Why Cell Phones Should be Banned in Public

The night was gloriously warm and peaceful. We decided to sit on the balcony  and enjoy a glass of wine. Then……
“Hi. It’s me Sally. What’s up? I’m on my balcony having a smoke. Thought I’d give you a quick call. I’ve been feeling bad all day. Guess why. Just Guess! No. Eyeuuhhh! Didn’t I tell you that I had my results back for that? It’s all good. Thank God. 
Anyway, where was I? Maybe I shouldn’t  share this. It’s TMI. Now that I think of it, I shouldn’t have told you about my other problem. Seriously, I’m too ashamed to tell you. I can’t. I just can’t. You’ll never forgive me if I don’t tell you? Really? Ok! Ok! I will. Just don’t tell anyone. Promise? 
It’s diarrhea. Can you believe it? First the infection, and now this. I’ve never had it this bad before. I was running to the toilet all day. Jesus, think of the smell! How  embarrassing is that? Hahahaha! Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore, so I went to my doctor. No, no, not the hot one. I wish. During one part of the exam, he gently put pressure on my stomach. I was thinking, “Hope he doesn’t push down too hard or I might explode.” 
“You” would have died if something had leaked out? Tell me about it. “I” was the one there. Now “that” would have been the worst. I asked him what I could eat to make it better. What’s that? Cranberries? No! I told you that I got the “all clear” down there. Fiber. I know. I thought that it would make it worse….blah blah blah blah…”

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