While driving to the Palm Springs Airport, my parents and I commented on the winds gusting up to 50 miles per hour.
She tried to calm him, “Sir. Don’t worry. Let me explain. Two dings are only an advisory for the cabin crew to sit because it might be a bit rough. Three means trouble. ‘Ding! Ding! Ding!’ Oh! !Oh! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! HANG IN THERE SIR! STAY CALM! DO NOT PANIC!!!! THESE PILOTS HAVE LANDED IN FAR WORSE CONDITIONS THAN THIS!!!!!! WHOOOOAAAAAA!….. That was pretty crazy, huh? Can you believe we just missed the entire runway? Sir?”
“Do you think it’s possible that I can move closer to the front?”
“Can I have a rum and coke? Please? How about making that a double?”
“I am not a good flier. I know for a fact, that in business class that you do serve alcohol before take off because I have flown business class.”
Once the plane starts to roll, he’ll go into his flight mode: accelerated breathing and heart rate, tense muscles and eyes as big as saucers. Windows, doors and overhead compartments will be checked. More than once. I will try to calm him, again, by telling him that the odds of us dying on the plane are less than us winning the lottery. He will still insist on keeping the plane in the air by clenching his stomach muscles during the entire flight. Periodically he will say or yell the following depending on how bad the turbulence is,
“What was that?”
“Did you hear that?”
“Do you think we are OK?”
“We’re going to die! Are we going to die?”
When the plane lands, he will go into his successful landing mode: clap loudly and happily smile at everyone, because once again he has somehow escaped death.