Despite our misgivings, which I voiced in a letter to my brother Steve, we found ourselves on the long, long, long, road to Houston, Texas. (To view the letter “American Hoggers Why They Scare the Bejesus out of Me” click here.
Shelley: How about we name all of the States of America?
Shelley: OK. Tell me something about you I don’t know.
John: Jesus Christ Shelley. We’ve been married for thirty years.
Shelley: Want the radio on?
John: No. I don’t care who wins the Republican Nomination. I don’t want to be saved. I don’t want to listen to country songs…………Oh. My. God. Look around you. Why do people live out here? What did they do wrong? Can you imagine? How big is this bloody State any way?
Shelley: You mean the one where the real “Texas Chain Saw Massacre” took place?
John: …… Dear God. How much longer to the next town?
Shelley: Maybe an hour to Ozona. There must be an RV Park there.
John: F@#$$CKKKK!!!!!!!!! This country has looked exactly the same since we left San Diego. And now we are in Texas.
Jesus. Nothing changes. Nothing. Even the road kill is the same – deer! I can’t believe that “Billy The Kid” couldn’t find a hiding place in the middle of ” F#$% Butt Nowhere!”
Shelley: Nope. That’s my word. You have to come up with a different one. Try again.
Next day I bought a “How to Speak Spanish For Beginners” CD.
Shelley and John
If you enjoyed Tip #2, why not check out How To Stay Happily Married Tip#3 When Paddling Together, Stay Calm