Why I Miss Dr. Laura or 1-800- CALL-JOHN

Sitting on an underground potty

On our way to Sedona, Arizona…

John: Hey. You’re pretty quiet and you’re never quiet. Why not call 1-800-CALL-JOHN and tell John what’s up?
Shelley: Ha! Ha! I’m good. Just thinking about Arizona.
John: Aww. Come on. It’ll be fun.
Shelley: …….. OK. But remember, you insisted. 1-800-CALL-JOHN.
John: Welcome back, Shelley. What’s your question?
Shelley: My husband and I have been on the road for five months and although we’re having a fabulous time, there is this one thing….
John: You are a lucky girl to have someone as special as your husband to share your adventures with. 

Shelley: True. However, as I was saying, there is this one thing that he does, that drives me absolutely bat loco crazy and I’m not too sure what to do about it.
John: Ha! Ha! Ha!…… Are you sure you want to share this with the public?
Shelley: Oh yes. In fact, he insisted I call in. So,this morning, just when we were about to start packing up, he sat down and started making calls on Skype. God, I don’t know why he gets on Skype, because it just stresses him out, as it rarely works and…
John: Who’s he calling?
Shelley: Family members and then moves on to friends.
John: Let me get this straight, you phoned in to complain about your husband, who regularly calls his family and friends.
Shelley: What? No! I love that he calls family and friends. It’s what happens after, that drives me nuts. As soon as he finishes, he jumps up and starts frantically rushing around packing things away, while relentlessly badgering me to hurry. He says he’s stressing about whether or not we’ll make it to the next site on time.
John: Can’t see a problem with a man who is punctual.
Shelley: What? But it can’t be OK for him to turn off the TV, unplug the wires and pack it away while I’m still watching it? Right?
John: Definitely OK. I think you should thank him for helping you focus. 
Shelley: Thank him? Should I thank him for stepping over me, so he can brush his teeth, while I’m on my knees, scrubbing the toilet?
John: Absolutely. Cleanliness is very important.
Shelley: I see. Then, what about standing at the door, yelling,”Are you ready to go?” which I’m obviously not, as I’m holding the broom and the dust bin?
John: Sounds like John is more efficient with his jobs than you are. 
Shelley: Is that what it sounds like to you? Here’s what it sounds like to me. I think..
John: Time for a music break. (John actually turns on the radio, top volume. When the song finishes, he turns it off) That was the Stones’, “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.” Kind of appropriate, don’t you think, Shelley? Ha! Ha! Ha! Well look at that, we’re out of time. Thanks for calling the “John Smith Can Do Anything He Wants Show.” 
Shelley: ………. 

Shelley and John


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