S#$% my Husband Thinks – While Rock Climbing

We’ve just finished a few days of climbing at Red Rock Canyon, (10 miles west of Las Vegas) and Joshua Tree. I know what John says while he climbs, but was curious to know what he thinks. He assured me that his thoughts rarely vary…..

What John thinks: (S#$% I don’t want to go up there. I don’t. If Shelley struggled, I’ll struggle even more.  Jesus Christ. It’s so high. At least 30 meters. Maybe she’ll want to go again. Then, hopefully, we’ll run out of time.) 


What John says: Well done. 
Shelley: Thanks. Some of those bolts were at least four meters apart. Crazy Ass scary. 
What John thinks: (S#$%!)
Shelley: But the climb, itself, a 5.7, isn’t too bad. You just have to get used to the idea that it’s sandstone and can break off.
What John thinks:(S#$%!!
What John says: Go again, you climbing Goddess, you. 
Shelley: Ha. Don’t be silly. It’s your turn. 
What John thinks: (S#$%!!! I don’t want to do this.)
What John says: OK. But, if I say “I’m done.” I’m done. I mean it. 
Shelley: Of course. Now, get up there, baby.
What John thinks:…….. (OK. I’m off the ground. ………..S#$%!!!! My knot’s undone! I’m going to slide off the end of the rope!)

What John says: My knot’s undone. 
Shelley: That’s just the tail. Tie it up. Dai jo buh desu ka?
What John thinks: (Now I have to try to speak Japanese and get up this #@$@ing cliff too?) 
What John says: Dai jo buh desu. 
Shelley: ……… Wow John! You flew over that first half. Looking good. 
What John thinks: (I’ve run out of holds. My feet are too big. There’s nothing for my hands. I am going to fall! I am going to die! Tighten. Tighten! TIGHTEN!!!!! GOD DAMN IT!!!!!!! HAVE YOU GOT ME???????) 
What John says: Tighten, please.
Shelley: Got you. On your left. There’s a big jug.
What John thinks: (That is not a big jug. THAT IS NOT A BIG JUG!!!!! WHAT THAT IS, IS S#$%!!!!! I WANT OFF !!!!!!!) 
What John says: No. Not working. Coming down. 
Shelley: V-sit.
Kid watching: What a wimp. 
What John thinks: (WHAT…A… LITTLE….SHIT!)
What John says: Hang on…..Let me try ….. S#$%!!!!!!!!!!! Pwuahhhh!  S#$%!!!!!!!!!!! Pwaahhhhssssshhhhh! Whew. Whew…..
Shelley: Yay! That was incredible. You’re almost there.
Follow the blue/green  line down to Shelley, the belayer.

What John thinks: (I shouldn’t have looked down. This climb, plus the 100 meters from the valley, makes ….. S@$%!!!!!! ) 

What John says: Coming down. 
Shelley: But there’s only about 5 meters left. Are you sure?
What John thinks: (Am I “sure? ” I have never been more sure in my life. I DO NOT WANT TO FINISH. I DID NOT WANT TO START. JESUS CHRIST SHELLEY! I HATE HEIGHTS. FOR THE LAST 13 YEARS I HAVE HATED CLIMBING! !!!) 
What John says: Of course not. I’m joking. I want to finish. ….MADE IT!!!……First a picture to prove I made it…

Coming down.

Shelley: You were awesome!!!!!!!!
What John thinks: (I am awesome.)
What John says: I am awesome.

Shelley and John


3 thoughts on “S#$% my Husband Thinks – While Rock Climbing

  1. So I'm guessing the time of year has something to do with your ability to climb on that location? Not so hot, and maybe not as many scorpions and other critters hiding in the finger holds at this time of year?


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