Texting for Dummies

Good bye… 
Palm Springs,
Marilyn Monroe,
and Joshua Tree.

Hello 7 hours of driving….
Shelley: I’m going to text Andrew….. Hmmmm….. Let’s see…. No…. No… Aha!… No…. That didn’t work…. Maybe, if I… Nope…. Oh! I know…. I need to…. YES!!!!!!!!…. No…. I’ll just hit that button and… Hmmmm… Change of plan… I’ll call him.
John: Oh. My. God. You’re driving me crazy.
Shelley: What? Why?

John: You don’t know how to use the cell phone. 
Shelley: Yes I do.
John: No you don’t. You’re lucky if you can turn it on. And, when you do, you stare at it with a puzzled expression, randomly hit buttons, until you eventually find what you want.
Shelley: Why do you care? 
John: I wish I didn’t. Let me give you a lesson on how to use the phone.
Shelley: Now?
John: Now.
Shelley: But you’re driving in Northern LA, on a 7 lane highway, at 55 miles per hour, with a house attached to your butt.

John: Trust me. I don’t even need to look. Please. For me.
Shelley: Well, if that’s the only thing I do that drives you crazy. Go.
John: I didn’t say that was the only thing.
Shelley: Ha! Ha! Go.
John: First, you need to open the phone.
Shelley: Funny. Go.
John: Select messaging, new message, text message. It will say, “Who?” Go to contacts. Select a contact by…
Shelley: Stop. I can do that…whoops. Apparently I can’t. Hang on. Start again. Go.
John: From the start?
Shelley: Yes. Go.
John: Jesus Christ, Shelley. I just told you…
Shelley: John. There’s no way I can remember all of that. Go.
John: (Deep breath) OK, first you need to (Waahhhh… mowahhh… wahhhhh) and “send.” Got it?
Shelley: Got it.
John: Now you try.
Shelley: No one to text. But don’t worry. It’s all up here. 
John: OMG. You don’t have a clue do you?
Shelley: Don’t be silly. Of course I do. But, I have to admit, when you said, “contacts,” it made me think about how my contacts were itching my eyes. Then, I wondered whether or not I had enough contacts to make it home. Thinking of home, I remembered that we need to buy a new fridge. I had to decide, “White or stainless steel?” Shelley said stainless steel was a pain in the Ass, and pricey. So, white it will be. Next, I thought, “Note to self, write Marina and ask her to keep an eye out for sales.” By that time, you asked me, “Got it?” So, there you are. Anyhoo, enough of that. What else do I do that drives you crazy? Go.

Shelley and John


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