Shelley: Wow! I am just overwhelmed by these magnificent giants.
Mike (Fay): Me too. Coffee?
Shelley: Tea, thanks.
Mike: Should we continue? Branches…
Shelley: One, two…. and, that makes eight hundred and sixty- three.
Mike: Are you sure? It’s just that scientific data demands accuracy.
Shelley: You’re right. I better count again.
Mike: We should be able to finish this transect by the end of today.
Shelley: Speaking of, I have an idea. Why don’t we split up? It’ll get us out of the rain earlier.
Mike: Ahhh…., if you really think it’s a good idea…
Shelley: Not a good idea, Mike. A great idea.
Day 3 of Research…
Mike: Thanks for stopping early to make lunch. I’ll help you after we eat.
Shelley: No need. All done.
Mike: Wow. You’re very efficient.
Mike: I hate for this to sound like a criticism, but, are you sure your data is accurate?
Shelley: Yes. Mike.
Day 4 of Research…
Shelley: WTF?? Is that a hut? We stayed in a tent, in the pouring rain, with a hut less than fifty yards away? Are you freakin’ kidding me?
Mike: Maybe some coffee to warm you up?
Shelley: I hate coffee.
Day 5 of Research…
Shelley: For the last time, I am not going through that patch of poison ivy.
Shelley: Not happening, Mike. As scientists, I say we make an educated scientific guess. An hypothesis, if you will.
Shelley: Not scientifically sound enough for you? Then, by all means, have at it.
Day 6 of Research…
Mike: (Sing songy) Morning. You should see these beauties in the rain. Coffee?
Shelley: I hate coffee.
Mike: Oh. Silly me. I keep for…
Shelley: Don’t talk.
Day 7 of Research…
Shelley: Aieee!!!! These @#$@ing mosquitoes!!! They’re all over me!!! …. There. Much better.
Mike: SHELLEY!!!! We agreed. No pesticides!
Shelley: Relax. It’s organic.
Day 8 of Research…
Shelley: Arghhhhh. @#$%@#$%!!!! @#$%@%$#!!!! That’s it! I QUIT!!!!!
Mike: What? Why?
Shelley: Seriously? Are you blind? This #$%#ing endless rain is driving me crazy. I’m wet. I’m cold. Everything is wet and cold. I need sunshine, a hot bath and TEA. Not coffee. I HATE COFFEE! IT’S TEA! MIKE! TEA!
Mike: But, you said you loved the challenge of living in a rain forest.
Shelley: I lied, Mike.
Mike: The research? Did you lie about that too?
Shelley: Of course not. “That” I could have handled, if you weren’t so @#$* ing meticulous about “every” @#$* ing detail. So what if we make a little mistake here and there. So @#$* ing what! They’re trees, Mike. #@#$ing trees!! Last time I looked, they’re protected and not going anywhere.
Mike: But we’re scientists. Our data needs to be…
Shelley: Not finished, Mike. And what is it with that sing songy voice in the mornings? Are you on drugs? Because maybe, if you had shared some of those happy pills with me, I might still be in.
Mike: Of course not. I…
Shelley: Shhhh…..Still not finished. The fact that you insist we take our shoes off every @#$#ing time we cross a stream, because they might rot, makes me think that you are quite possibly insane. Are you insane, Mike?
Mike: Why don’t you sit by the fire, and warm up while I pack your gear?
Shelley: Now you’re talking, Mike.