S#$% my Husband Thinks – While at the Doctor’s

Medical check-up day. John joins me in the waiting room…
Shelley: How’d it go?

John: Oh my God! I am so embarrassed.
Shelley: Why?
John: (Starts to whisper) Because, as I was lying there, ready and waiting to be examined, he started chatting.
Shelley: Ha! Ha! No he did not?! Tell me everything. From the start.
Doctor: (Thwack! On goes the rubber gloves.) Didn’t you have a blood test for prostate cancer last year? 
John: Yes, but, I heard the digital rectal examination was more accurate than the blood test.

Doctor: (Casually leans against the cabinet and examines his gloves) Actually, that’s only true if you combine this test with the PSA blood test.
What John thinks: Ha! And Shelley said I was being paranoid. I knew I shouldn’t have listened to her.  
What John says:Good to know.
Doctor: Do you know what the most common cancers are for men?
What John thinks: Oh. Oh. 
What John says: No.
Doctor:Take a guess. Go on.
What John thinks: Noooo. He wants to chat.
What John says: Prostate? 

Doctor:You almost got it. Number one is lung. (Shakes one rubber clad finger) You don’t smoke do you?
What John thinks: No! Please! Don’t do this! Not now!
What John says: No.
Doctor: Good. Good. I believe I knew that. The number two cancer is prostate cancer. (Shakes two rubber clad fingers) So, definitely a good thing that you are having this examination. And, the third most common cancer is colon cancer. (Shakes three rubber clad fingers) 
What John thinks: Dear God. 
What John says: Dear God.
Doctor: Did you know that colon cancer hardly ever gets detected because people are too embarrassed to have their colon checked?
What John thinks: Can’t imagine why.
What John says: No. 
Doctor:Tell you what, as soon as I hit fifty-five, the first thing I’m going to do is get a colonoscopy. You should do the same. You’re not too embarrassed to have one, are you?
What John thinks: Apparently not. 
What John says: Apparently not.
Doctor: Let me look at my calendar. I can book you in for next September. How’s that?
What John thinks: Oh Jesus Christ! Whatever! Just get on with it! I’m laying here with my pants around my…
What John says: Fine.
Doctor: (Adjusts the fingers on his gloves) But, I’m going to warn you. It isn’t too pleasant. Basically, what happens is we give you a solution to clean you out, then, we head up there with a camera. You will definitely have polyps. Not to worry, we take them out.
Doctor: (Thwack! On goes the rubber gloves.) Didn’t you have a blood test for prostate cancer last year? John: Yes, but, I heard the digital rectal examination was more accurate than the blood test. Faaaaccckkkkk Me!!!!!!!!! JUST DO IT!!!!!!!!!!
What John says:Maybe you could…
Doctor: You’ll feel pretty sick after the procedure, so someone will have to drive you home. But, by the next day, you won’t feel a thing. OK. Ready? 

gloves

What John thinks:I should have listened to Shelley.
What John says: Ready.


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Shelley and John

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