More and More and More Deck Tips

John: Arghhhh!!!!!!!!  Shelley! Look at the deck. The “guaranteed to last for years” stain is peeling off for the second year in a row! What are we going to do?
Shelley: That’s it. I’m so done with staining that stupid deck. Let’s put ceramic tiles on it.
Dad: Jeez. That’s too bad. Maybe you’ll have to stain the whole thing.

Mom: No. Just paint where it’s flaking off.
Clerk #1: Not a clue. Can’t help you. Sorry.
Shenley (Brother): Hmmm… while I think about it, know that you can use my belt sander, my hand sander, my high pressure water hose, my work horses, my electric drill, my battery drill

Clerk #2: North West Coast BC weather on wooden decks… sucks eh?
Mom: Cover it with an indoor outdoor carpet.

Clerk #3: A sander should do it. But, not the industrial belt sander. The nails will rip the belt and that will cost you $800 to replace. What you need is a oscillating sander. We don’t have those.

Clerk #4: Sorry, all out of oscillating sanders. Deck season.
Mom: Outdoor rubber flooring.
Clerk #5: Do not use a sander. It will take off the treated layer, then you’ll have to prime it.
Dan (Nephew): I built most of that deck. BTW, I don’t think I was paid enough.

Nephew Tyler (Nephew): You were paid!?!?  Why didn’t anyone ask me to help? I would have helped.

Clerk #6: Try a high pressure water hose.
Woman in Clerk #6’s store: Buy a stain stripper, a brush and use the water pressure hose to remove what’s left. Then paint it.

Mom: Outdoor flooring.

Clerk #7: Whatever you do, do not use a high pressure water hose. It’ll gouge the wood.

Neighbour who lives on our left: When you do something, you should do it right the first time.

Clerk #8: No matter how you take off the stain, you’ll need to prime it.

Clerk #9: No need to prime it.
Woman walking her dog: Should have used composite flooring.

Marina (sister-in-law): We used the “lifetime guaranteed not to rot composite flooring.” The wood underneath is probably rotting as we speak.
Deck Builder: Flip the boards.
4 year old neighbour who lives on our right: Those brown spots don’t look good.

Andrew (son): Looks good enough for a nap. What’d you do?

John: OMG. We tried everything. But, ended up sanding and painting only the chipped areas.
Mom: What I’d tell you?

Shelley and John


2 thoughts on “More and More and More Deck Tips

  1. Good Grief! This sounds like our house. We just kept a can of paint and a roller in the front closet…it saved a lot of time! (no really!)Don't you love the input though. We live in Portland…the weather does a number on everything that is outside…even concrete. There is no escaping it!b


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