Oh Canada Where’s Your Sense of Humour?

CRA Man: Canada Revenue Agency. How can I help you?
Shelley (me) : I’m calling to change my date of birth. I’ve been informed by RBC that your records are incorrect.
CRA Man: Before I can open your file, I need to match at least 3 pieces of information from the following list: Name, SIN number, birthdate and address. What is your name?
Shelley: Shelley _____
CRA Man: What is your social insurance number?
Shelley: It’s _________.

CRA Man: Correct. What is your birth date?

Shelley: But, that’s why I’m phoning you. You’re records aren’t correct. So, I don’t know what your records say.

CRA Man: In order for me to proceed, your response must match our current records.
Shelley: OK. OK. 1960? No. That’s the correct one. 1959?
CRA Man: Both are incorrect.
Shelley: Higher or lower? 
CRA Man: I am not authorized to tell you.
Shelley: 1958? ’57? Wait. I think I’ve got it! 1961? Yes. That’s it. My final answer is 1961.
CRA Man: That is incorrect.
Shelley: Oh man, you are killing me. But…. Never mind. Maybe this will work. I have my 2011 tax records right here in front of me. What if I…

CRA Man: I can’t see them from here. 
Shelley: Ha! Ha! Ha! If you could, you’d have super powers! Right?
CRA Man:…
Shelley: Like Superman… or is it Spider Man?
CRA Man:
Shelley: … No? Not so much? …. Hmmm… What else can we do?

CRA Man: What is your address?
Shelley: It’s _______ Courtenay, BC.
CRA Man: I’m sorry. That address does not match our records.
Shelley: Really? It hasn’t changed since we moved back to Canada.
CRA Man: Where did you live prior to Canada?
Shelley: Japan.
CRA Man: What was your address in Japan?
Shelley: 1-1-1 Fu Chu Shi, Tokyo, Japan.
CRA Man: I’m sorry. That address does not match our records. What was your address before you left Canada?
Shelley: OMG. I’m not sure. It’s been 25 years. But, I do know that the last town we lived was in Port- Aux-Basques, Newfoundland.

CRA: I’m sorry. Port- Aux-Basques does not match our records.
Shelley: Flower’s Cove, Newfoundland?
CRA Man: I’m sorry. Flower’s Cove…
Shelley: Selkirk, Manitoba?
CRA Man: Both do not match our records.

Shelley: How far back should I go?
CRA Man: I am not authorized to tell you.
Shelley: 30 years? 35? 40? Wait. How many guesses do I have left? I don’t want to waste them.
CRA Man:
Shelley: Come on!  Am I getting warmer or colder?
CRA Man: I don’t think you are taking this seriously. 

Shelley: Oh, but I am. I’m just not sure what to do. Can you give me a hint? Does the address have anything to do with the date my SIN card was issued? Give me something!
CRA Man: M’am. To protect you, and all of the citizens of Canada, I am not allowed to give you any information.
Shelley: Just one hint. Please. Just one little bitty hint.
CRA Man:… Fine.  I am going out on a limb here, you need to give me a post box number.
Shelley: A post box number? From over 30 years ago? Are you kidding me?
CRA Man:…
Shelley: You’re not…Ahhh…… I’m going to have to go with 531.

CRA Man: No.
Shelley: No? Hmmm…. How about my favourite number 600,343,357,899? Mmpphhh…. Oh Ha! Ha! Ha!

CRA Man: I’m glad that you are finding this funny.
Shelley: Higher or lower? Hee! Hee! Ha! Ha! Ha!
CRA Man:  Ma’m I am trying to help you.
Shelley: Right… Right. I really am sorry. But, it was a long time ago. You know, I can barely remember my current address. Menopause does amazing things to your memory. If you knew someone who has menopause, you would appreciate what I’m saying.

CRA Man:
Shelley: …..Look. You’ve been very patient with me. But, unless you want me to keep guessing, we are not going to get any where. What else can we do?
CRA Man:
Shelley: Please. I was wrong for treating this matter lightly. So wrong.
CRA Man:

Shelley: And disrespectful … which was uncalled for. Because you are only doing your job. Please.
CRA Man: … OK. Here’s what you need to do…

Shelley and John


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