Who Needs new Friends?

Andrew, Shelley, Cathy, Rob, Toni, John
Tod, Jin, Matt
“I’m so @#$ing hot!” 

And the Mullen- Smith friendship, spanning 20 years, had begun. (Forgive the profanity, but it was in the sweltering, unbearable 40 degree July heat of Bangkok.)  Last weekend, the Mullens visited us in the Comox Valley. I am pleased to report that our friendship is as strong as ever. Here’s why…

Shelley, Rob, Toni, Matt, Jin, Kristie and Charlie                        

No one is rude…

Shelley (Me): Yayyyy!!! TONIIII!!!!!! ROBBIE!!!!!!! How are you? How was the trip? Did you catch up with Matt during the car ride?
Matt (My son): That would have been nice, mom, considering I drove up Island in a hurricane. But, no, Toni slept, while Robbie (mimes snapping a newspaper wide open in front of his face) read the whole way. Right roomie? (On two separate occasions, Matt lived with the Mullens in Kuala Lumpur.)
Rob Mullen: Woahh Matt. That’s not true. It took me three and a half minutes to read that rag. Besides, it’s not my fault if the Missus dropped some Zanex and napped the entire way.
Toni Mullen: Rob! I didn’t nap the entire way.


Matt:  Rob, that’s true, “if” you count the one time Toni woke up yelling and waving her arms in front of my face, because she thought we were in an accident.
Rob: Jesus Christ Toni, we are not coming back here again. They’re so @#$%ing rude to us.

We never bust each others’ balls…

Robbie: Andrew (My son). Good to talk to you… How am I doing?…
Well, your mother made me cook on my first night… BTW I don’t think she’s been in the kitchen since I visited 8 years ago… She couldn’t tell me where anything was… Now your family has me playing games… No, not charades… Apples to Apples… If I knew Charades was in the mix, I wouldn’t have gotten in the car… Speaking of cars, too bad about Matt hitting that girl’s bumper… What? No, I never damaged your van when I used to nudge it at stop lights. It was a tap… Jesus Christ Toni, we are not coming back here again. Andrew, who is not even here, is busting my balls.
Everyone helps out…
Toni: Robbie, are you asleep?
Rob: How can I be asleep with all of you @#$%ing talking?
Toni: Robbie!

John (my husband): Oh no. It’s raining. Shelley, when I stop, jump out and get the shoes out of the truck bed.
Shelley: No. I’ll get wet.
Matt, Toni:…
Rob: I’ll do it John. Jesus Christ Toni, we are not coming back here again. They’re too @#$%ing lazy to help out.

No one complains…

Robbie: Ah Jesus Johnnie! I’m so @#$%ing cold, my hands are numb. 
Shelley: Robbie, you chose Mt. Washington over a beach walk. 
Rob: You didn’t tell me it would be 7 degrees. What is this in real temperatures?
John: About 44 degrees.
Rob: On the fourth of July? Jesus Christ Toni, we are not coming back here again. It’s too @#$%ing cold.

New additions to our families are welcomed…

Jin (Mullen’s son): This is Charlie. Aren’t you? Tickle. Tickle.  My little baby. Kiss. Kiss Kiss. Go to mommy now.
Kristie (Jin’s wife): Here Charlie. Come to mommy. Here you are. Oh you! Kiss. Kiss Kiss.

John: Charlie, the dingo ate my baby.
Matt: Dad, I think you’re mixing your quotes.
Shelley: Charlie. Where’s my baby, Charlie?

Everyone: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Matt: Hey. That dog’s not your baby. Maybe you guys should have a real one.
John: Charlie, the dingo took my baby.
Matt: Nope. Still not right.
Rob: Jesus Christ Toni. We’re not coming back here again. The Smiths want us to be the first grand parents.

Guests always get the best gear…

Toni: Is the inside of my boat supposed to be this wet? I think my boat is leaking. Maybe even sinking.
Robbie: Ahh @#$%! My money and my CD list are wet. Jesus Christ Toni, we are not coming back here again. Once again, they gave us the crappy boats. 

Everyone gets resepect…

Toni: In my next life, I want to be a broadway dancer, so I can dance every day.



Shelley: What about you Robbie? What will you come back as?


Toni: (whispers) An asshole.


Rob: Toni, you are being unpleasant. You haven’t been nice to me for the last two months. We’ve had conversations about this.


Toni: Not with me.
Everyone: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Rob: A musician.

Matt: A musician??? Why? You go to concerts and don’t even get up. You look like this.    



Rob: Matt, I don’t need to dance to enjoy the music. I like to sit and appreciate it. Let it flow over me.
Matt: Like this?
Everyone: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Matt: Still roomies, Rob? Do I still have a room?
Rob: Toni. Don’t give Matt our new address in England. And, if he does find out, he can sleep on the floor in the kitchen.
Matt: Hi. I’m Robbie. Look at me. I’m enjoying the Stones.

Everyone: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Rob: Jesus Christ Toni, we are not coming back here again. They’re disrespectful.

Everyone stays focussed on the big picture…
Rob: “Spiderman” was great. What did you think Matt?

Rob: Hey watch out for my red wine! You’re going to spill it!
Rob: @#$%!!! “I” just spilled red wine all over the white leather couch and my green shirt.

Everyone: (Rushes around grabbing rags and cleaners.) Go! Go! Go!
Rob: Jesus Christ Toni, we are not coming back here again. I just ruined my favourite shirt. I think I am going to have to throw it out!

Everyone is polite to each other…
Rob: Toni, there’s your computer. Don’t forget it. (Whispers) I’ve got to tell her that, because I think the old girl is loosing her memory. (Swirls finger around ear)
Toni: Robbie, can you help me find my hair brush?

Rob: (Whispers some more) Thirty years. Thirty years of marriage. (Normal voice) Where was it last?
Toni: If I knew that, I wouldn’t have lost it.
Rob:(Whispers even more) See. This is my cross to bear. (Looks under the bathroom sink) Is this it? 
Toni: I thought I looked there.
Rob: What about this shampoo and conditioner?
Shelley: That’s for guests.
John: Shelley. You know what the Mullens are like. Check their bags before they leave. They might steal stuff. 
Everyone: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Rob: Jesus Christ Toni, we are not coming back here again. Apparently, it’s OK to insult your guests.

when you’ve got the Mullens?

Shelley and John


3 thoughts on “Who Needs new Friends?

  1. Pingback: Be Nice to me or I’ll Blog About You | Honey Did you See That?

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