Should Ipods be Banned From Grandparents?

 
My son, Matt: And, what’s your Gmail password?
Mom: Granny.
Matt: No. That’s your hotmail password. Your Gmail.
Mom: But, someone sent me a message saying I needed to change my Gmail password. So, I did. But, I can’t remember what it is. Hell, I can’t remember my old one. I just turn on my computer and voila, there everything is. 
Matt: Wait! You never log out when you’re done? 
Mom: Never. There’s this little box that you tick to stay logged on.

                          

Matt: Yes. Yes. I know all about the little box. But, that is so unsafe. If someone gets hold of your computer, they can access everything.
Dad: “I” always log out.
Matt: That’s good Grandpa. Mom? Dad? 
Shelley and John: Yessss?
Matt: Oh my God! Everyone. For your own protection, never, ever stay logged on.
Mom: I think I remember my password now. Grandmadearest.
Matt:…. No. That didn’t work.
Mom: What about Grandmais#1?
Matt:… Nope. Also didn’t work. Did you just make that up?
Mom: Nooo?
Matt: ………. OK. Fine. Here’s what we are going to do. You’re going to give me four numbers. Those numbers will be your password. Then, I’m going to sync all of your accounts together. 
Mom: 54306
Matt: No. That’s 5. I said 4.
Mom: 44445. There are four 4’s in that one.
Matt: You are killing me. How about 3102? Can you remember that?
Mom: If I do this, I can. 

                                 

Matt: Noooooo. You didn’t just write it on the back of your hand. The whole purpose of this Ipod is to go without pen and paper.
Mom: I didn’t use any paper.

Matt: Oh Jesus…. OK. OK.  I am going to save the password on the computer. Every 5 minutes there will be a reminder. OK?

John: They’ll never use this.
Matt: They f#$%ing better.
Mom: Can you set up Skype so we can phone you for help?
Matt: Yes…. Let’s move on. Music.
Dad: I’ll just play yours. 
Matt: I wiped it clean. I didn’t think you would listen to my stuff. 
Dad: What about Tom Jones? 
Matt: Is he a real singer?
Dad: Of course he is. (Singing) It’s not unusual to be loved by anyone…. And, Ceen Dion.
Matt: Who?
Dad: Ceen Dion.
Matt: Also, not an actual person. 
Dad: She’s Canadian.
Matt:… Celine Dion?
Dad: Yes. Celine Dion.
Matt: How about I open an Itunes account for you? That way you can buy anything you want.
Mom and Dad: We have to pay???
Matt: OK…. OK.  Other apps. Data. Do you want it to set new data?
Mom: Yes. Absolutely.
Matt: Do you know what that means?
Mom: No. But it sounds good.
Matt: It will tell you when you have new mail, calendar alerts, new posts on Facebook, and reminders. Like your password every 5 minutes. 
Everyone: Ha! Ha! Ha! 
Matt: Sooo… double spaced… automatic… period.
Mom: I don’t have one.
Dad: You haven’t had one for 25 years.
Everyone but Matt: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Matt: Oh my God! Putting a space robot on Mars was easier than this. Photos: You have 2 cameras. You can flip it around so you can take a picture of yourself.
You can delete, e-mail or send as a message or print it. 
Mom: I want to go to Costco and look for a mattress.
Matt: I don’t understand that.
Dad: Tell me again Matt, why do we have to spend 5 bucks?
Matt: To have one password that works for everything including unlocking the Ipod.
Mom: What is this icon? What does it do? I can’t even see this thing?
Matt: Oh F$#%!!!!!!!
Mom: OK. Information overload. Let’s play a game… Matt! What’s wrong?
Matt: I just realized what my teaching job is going to be like for the next two years.
Shelley and John
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