|Matt and Andrew|
|Friend Willie, my son, Andrew, my other son Matt, and daughter-in-law, Ash|
John: But, you all know I hate roller coasters. And Space Mountain’s entire ride is in the dark. No. Please. I’ll go on the Run Away Train or The Cups and Saucers. Come on. I went on the Log Ride. Isn’t that good enough?
Matt: No, you made a deal. If we went on It’s a Small World three freakin’ times in a row, you would go on Space Mountain. We completed our end of the deal and now it’s your turn. It’s just a ride for God’s sake. Nothing will happen. You’re not going to die.
John: Oh right. That’s what they said to that poor dead woman in Kuala Lumpur just before she got on that Roller Coaster.
Shelley: That was Malaysia. This is the US.
John: Look. I’ll do anything. ANYTHING if you don’t make me get on that ride. Please…. Please.
Andrew: Dad, you can do this. You always told us to face our enemies. Don’t you think it’s time to face your enemy? Fear.
Matt, Andrew, Shelley: You can’t back out on a deal.
John: OK. OK. But this this is the last scary ride I go on today. Promise?
Matt, Andrew, Shelley: Promise.
Attendant: I’m just going to pull this down over your head. And… lock it in. Good. Good. Last time it didn’t click. Boy, was I ever worried.
John: Whaaatttt?? Get me off of this.
Shelley: He’s kidding.
John: I’m just going to pull on it. To check it. Oh Nooooo!!!! Mine is loose. Shelley, look how it moves. Excuse me. Excuse me! I don’t think mine has locked properly. Hey! Do not start this thing up. HEY!!!!!!
Andrew: It’s OK. Relax.
John: Relax. You’re telling me to… Huh? What’s going on? Why are we going up so slowly? Jesus Christ Shelley. I don’t want to do this. I really don’t. I hate roller coasters. I really, really do.
Shelley: You’ll be fine.
John: What was that? Was that screaming?
Matt: From another ride, dad.
John: I can’t see. I can’t see anything. It’s so dark.
Andrew: Dad. They’re just doing that to scare you. Calm down.
John: Holy S@#$!!! It’s started. I can’t breathe. I CAN”T BREATHE!!!!!!!
Shelley: Of course you can. Hold your restraint. Just hold on tight and…
Matt, Andrew, Shelley: Whhhhooooohooooo!!!!!!!
John: Ahhhhhhhhhhahhhhhhh!!!!!!!! Oh My God. Holy Mother of God…..Oh no. Oh no. OH Nooooooooo!!!! Get me off of this!!! Who was the sadist who dreamed this ride uppppp??????? Faaaackkkkkkkkkk!!! I’m going to die. I’M GOING TO DIEEEEE!!!!!!!! WHY DID YOU MAKE ME DO THIS??? OK. OK. I think we are almost done. I can do this. I CAN DO THIS. Smiths don’t quit! Smiths don’t… Oh Oh Oh AIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! JEEEESUUSSSSSSS CHRISSTTTTT SHELLEEEEEEEY!!!!!!! I THINK I’M HAVING A HEART ATTACK!!! OH GOD. Oh God. Oh dear God. Thank you God. It’s over. I’m alive. I’m done. No more scary rides. Smile, Matt.
Attendant: Welcome back. As you exit the building, please take a look at your picture on the TV monitor. For only 10 dollars, you can have a memory that will last a life time
Matt, Andrew, Shelley: Oh no. Not again. This time you had your eyes closed. We’re going to have to go again.
Shelley and John
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