Before Matt flew to Kuwait, to start his new teaching job, the four Smiths took a road trip to Sayward, Vancouver Island…
Husband John: Let the adventure continue. Fist pump! Shelley, the best bit is we have both Matt and Andrew with us. Boys, I’ve been thinking. On this trip I want you to drive the truck while it’s towing the fifth wheel. Time to man up.
27 year old Matt: No.
25 year old Andrew: No.
John: Why not?
Shelley: Besides the fact that the roads don’t have shoulders and they’ve never driven the truck towing the fifth wheel?
John: You never support me.
Matt: Andrew, one less needle in your arm is more money for your wedding.
Andrew: Good to know.
John: Did I tell you about our last trip to Sayward? We caught 8 fish.
Matt: Yes. Dad, and that is why we can’t talk every day on the phone. You repeat your stories.
John: You hung up on me the last time I called you and Andrew.
Matt: Oh my God. You had already called us three times that day.
John: But, I had something to tell you.
John:… Well now that you ask. I can’t remember.
Matt: Mom, can you turn off the air con? My gonads are tiny.
Andrew: Pretty sure it’s not the air con.
Matt: Ha! Ha!… Hey, stop bugging me.
Andrew: Let’s do “rock paper scissors” to see if I leave you alone.
Matt: Andrew! Don’t touch me! I mean it.
Andrew: I wasn’t. This is touching. Googly. Googly. Matt, why won’t you talk to me? We’re on a road trip. Last before you go.
Matt: For @#$%s sake! We just spent four days together. There’s nothing to talk about.
Andrew: What about…
Matt: Arghhh. Ash would never put up with this @#$%!
Andrew: I’m just going to put the garbage pail on your side.
Matt: No. It’s fine where it is.
Andrew: I don’t want it on my side. How about in the middle?
Matt: I don’t want it in the middle. I want it exactly where it was.
Andrew: What’s wrong with you? Why are you so grumpy?
Matt: I just want to read my comics. For the love of God. Mom!!
Shelley: Baby carrots anyone?
Matt: Andrew, can you chew louder?
Andrew: Sniff. Sniff. Gak. Gak. Look at this carrot. It’s going to be sooo loud.
Matt: Why did I agree to this trip?
Shelley: I have an idea. Let’s see whose carrot lasts the longest.
John: That’s what she said.
Everyone: Ha! Ha! Ha!
John: Look! There’s a field full of bison.
Matt and Andrew: Dad!!! You need to drive and let us look.
John: But, I’ve never seen bison there before.
Andrew: Do you know how to tell the difference between a buffalo and a bison?
John and Shelley: You can’t wash your hands in a bison.
Andrew, Shelley, John: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Matt: Holy @#$%! How much longer?
John: Time to listen to my podcast. I need to set the station at 105.1. Just give me a sec. and…
Matt and Andrew: Mom! You do it, so dad doesn’t kill us.
Shelley: Do you promise to stop bickering?
Matt and Andrew: Yes, Mother Dearest.
Shelley: And, then go to sleep?
Matt: Andrew, for the love of God. Play.
Andrew: I don’t appreicate your tone, Matt.
Matt: That’s it. I quit.
John, Shelley, Andrew: You can’t quit. This is a fishing holiday.
Matt: Trust me the fish are on a $#%^ing holiday.
Andrew: Get off it Matt. That’s my bed.
Matt: We need to take turns. It’s called sharing.
Andrew: No. We never agreed. Besides, I really, really love this bed.
Matt: Andrew, you’re such an Asshole. You’re just doing that because I want this one. We’re switching.
Andrew: Not a chance. I slept on that bed for 3 nights. It’s your turn.
Matt: That’s such BS. You slept on it for one night.
Andrew: Not if you count last summer.
Matt: Fine. I’m, going to bed to read my comics.
Matt: Andrew! Go to sleep.
Andrew: OK. We can switch. If you really, really…
John: Shelley, the best bit is we have both Matt and Andrew with us.
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