Shelley: Why not?
John: You heard Dan (campground owner). There’s a female cougar out there that’s not quite right in the head.
Shelley: You’re not quite right in the head.
John: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Shelley: Come on. We’ve been fishing from the dock all day and haven’t even had one nibble. The whole point of this trip was to catch fish.
John: The Conservation guys and the RCMP are out there now trying to track and kill it. I am not going to get between them and a cougar.
Shelley: They’ve been tracking it down for at least four hours now. No way will it be anywhere near the point. God, you always find something to panic about.
Shelley: I have an idea. You saw that couple hike past us and go into the woods, right?
John: Shelley, I know where you are going with this. No.
Shelley: If we don’t hear anything in the next 20 minutes, we go and join them. Deal?
John: Jesus Christ Shelley. No. I’ll buy you a fish.
Shelley: Not the same. When Jason took us out to the point he carried his machete and you felt perfectly safe.
How about we borrow Dan’s machete? I already asked him. What about that?
John: A – I did not feel perfectly safe, and
B- What does Jason know? He’s only lived here for 8 years. No.
Shelley: You can carry it.
Shelley: I’ll even go first.
John: Do you know what to do if a cougar attacks?
John: The difference is I’m not going out there. Not a chance…
Back in Comox, I checked out cougars on the following site http://www.env.gov.bc.ca/wld/documents/cougsf.htm
HOLY S@#$!!!!!! THOSE COUGARS ARE BAD ASS!!!
I now solemnly swear the next time we are out in the woods I will never:
1. Make fun of John’s survival instincts.
2. Whisper, say, yell, “What was that?” or “Did you hear that?” and “Is that what I think it is?”
3. Take a small branch and gently rub it on the back of John’s leg pretending it’s a scorpion, spider, snake, etc.
4. Share horror stories about whatever is freaking him out at the time; bears, cougars, scorpions, spiders, snakes, etc.
5. Never, ever leave home without our dog, rocks, sticks, fishing poles, and trusty machete.
6. Oh and of course, never, ever leave home without John!