Surprise! It’s a verizon jetpack!

Dealing with Hurricane Sandy is nothing compared to trying to set up verizon’s jetpack, a process we started, oh, about 9 months ago. As many of you know from reading, Why
Americans Aren’t Spending or Why I Miss South East Asia: …. the most, without a doubt, frustrating thing about traveling, was not being able to communicate via phone, Skype or internet successfully. I am pleased to announce that the frustrations have finally ended.

Verizon Store #1 –  Thursday, October 25, 2012, 2:00 PM.
Shelley: So, unless we can get an American Credit Card with an American billing address, it won’t work.
Salesman: I’m so sorry.
Shelley: But we tried to get an American Credit Card last year, but they were rejected because we don’t have a credit rating.
Salesman: I’m so sorry.
John: And the reason we don’t have a credit rating is because we have always bought our vehicles second hand. We don’t carry a mortgage, because we chose to not to buy a huge mansion and we’ve always fully paid our credit card bill every month.
Clerk: I’m so sorry.
John: Basically, we need to go in debt to get this.
Clerk: I’m so sorry.
John: I’m so sorry too. I’m going to the car.

Verizon Store #2 – October 26, 2012, 2:00 PM.

Michael the Salesman: Congratulations! You are now the proud owners of the verizon jetpack. This little baby gives you 5KB’s per month on a 4G network. If you have any questions, please call or e-mail me. I will respond immediately. 

John: Thank God. After nine months, it’s done. Now we can start celebrating your parents’ 50th Anniversary.
Shelley: Thanks mom and dad for setting up the account in your name.

October 26, 2012, 6:00 PM.

John: What is wrong with this? Why isn’t this working? It worked three hours ago. I am getting so frustrated. Shelley. I can’t get online unless I enter the code every time.

John: Never mind. It’s working. No. I was just kicked off. Shelley.
John: Jesus Christ Shelley!! Are you listening to me?
Shelley: I am. But what do you want me to say?
John: I want you to say, “What can I do to help?”
Shelley: But I don’t know anything about the jetpack.
Shelley: What can I do to help?
John: If I knew I would have done it myself. Jesus!
Shelley: Let’s try plugging it in.
John: I already did that.
Shelley: What if we try a different socket?

John: No, that didn’t work.
Shelley: What about we…
John: God F@#$ING D@#$ it!!! I knew it was too good to be true. This F@#$ing piece of S#$T!! worked for less than half a day. I am going to call Michael, The Salesman… Apparently not on Skype because this stupid jetpack is not working. I will use my phone… WHAT IS THIS S@#T??

“Thank you for calling. I’m sorry I can’t accept your message at this time, my message box is full.”

Shelley: Maybe you could call the other names on the contract?
John:… They aren’t picking up. @#$^!!!… It never ends. I am so sick of this… I just want it to be over.
Shelley: I know. I know. But just imagine when we do get it working. All this will be worth it. Like giving birth. You’ll soon forget about the pain and distress when you look at your fully functioning perfect jetpack.
John: I just wanted to talk to the boys and my family.
Shelley: There. There… Hey! I know what will make you feel better.
John: Really?
Shelley: Not that, silly. We’ll just call the store and bring everything back so they can take a look at it.

Shelley and John

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