Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is… Oh Damn it, I Forgot


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God knows, I’ve tried everything to improve my short term memory. But nothing has worked. Time to write Santa.

J & S Christmas 2012

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is… Oh Damn it, I forgot. Ever since cruel, heartless menopause set in, my short term memory has become almost nonexistent. In fact, Santa, after reading these examples of my memory loss, you will be so shocked, you’ll immediately stuff “one short term memory” into that humongous red toy sack of yours.

My first example takes place when John and I were riding the chairlift….

Shelley: John?

John: Yes?

Shelley: I was thinking, for Christmas…. for Christmas…. What the Hell was I going to say?

John: You were thinking, for Christmas…

Shelley: Right. For Christmas, do you think we should give Andrew and Ash…

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John: We should give Andrew and Ash…  what?

Shelley: Nope. I’ve got nothing.

Santa, it’s even worse if I get stressed. For instance, last Saturday John and I went to a Habitat for Humanity Christmas party. ( Which I invited ourselves to, but that’s another story) and at one point when I was introducing John and myself to a group of people…

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Shelley: Hi. I’m Shelley and this is… this is… Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha! You two go ahead and introduce yourselves.

John: Hi. I’m Shelley’s husband, John.

Pretty bad, huh? And what about when John and I went snowshoeing?

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Shelley: Let’s play a game. I say a word. You have to repeat it and then add a word to the list. Cow.

John: Cow. House.

Shelley: Cow. House. Winter.

John: Cow. House. Winter. Snow.

Shelley: Cow. House. Winter. Flower.

John: No. Flower’s wrong.

Shelley: Are you sure?

John: Of course I am.

Shelley: Fine. Fire?

John: No.

Shelley: Computer?

John: No.

Shelley: Boat?

John: No.

Shelley: Sky?

John: No.

Shelley: Book? Pen? Pencil? Picture? Killer??!!!!

John: No. No. No. No. And No.

Shelley: Holy Christ. Just tell me. What was it?

John: No.

Shelley: Don’t be silly. Just tell me.

John: No.

Shelley: Why won’t you tell me?

John: If I tell you, that means I win.

Shelley: Fine. You win. What was the word?

John:…

Shelley: Wait a sec. You can’t remember either, can you?

John: No.

On second thought Santa, better make that two short term memories.

Merry Christmas Santa,

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Shelley and John

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