Get Your Knickers off


Shelley: Thanks for helping me make Shenley’s Birthday card. Pretty funny, right?

John: Sure was.

Shelley: Marina’s card was so romantic. Why don’t you give me cards like that?


John: Because you would laugh at me.

Shelley: That’s true. How sad is that? John, I don’t think we’re romantic.

John: Of course we are. I bought you flowers on Andrew’s birthday.

Shelley: You picked wild flowers in Joshua Tree National Park.

John: I could have been arrested by a Ranger.

Shelley: Oh please. I have an idea. Let’s be romantic for the rest of the evening. Starting now. Kiss me… Euhhh! Why’d you lick my neck?

neck 1

John: I thought it would be romantic to try something new.

Shelley: It’s gross.

John: What if I lightly stroke your arms?

Shelley: No! You’re making my skin itchy. 

John: Look deeply into your eyes without blinking?

S and J look

Shelley: No. That’s creepy. Ahhh…. There’s no hope.

John: There is. Sit down. I’m going to recite a poem I wrote for you, before we were married. Ahem.


My heart cries out with pain

As you get on that big silver bird in the sky

WTF? Why are you laughing?

Shelley: You already used “big silver bird in the sky”  in a poem to an ex girlfriend. It’s hardly romantic to recycle lines.

John: Why don’t you give it a shot, Miss Bronte?

Shelley:  Fine. It might not be perfect. But at least it will be original. 

You are my heart

My heart. My heart.

You are my soul.

My soul. My soul.

My eyes drip with diamond tears

Diamond tears. Diamond tears.

I will do anything for you.

For you. For you.

The end.

John: Heh! Heh! Heh! Come here little lady and prove it.

Shelley: That’s so wrong on so many levels.

John: Give us a hug.

Shelley: Ahhhhh…now that’s romantic…  Huh! Did you burp in my ear?

John: No. That’s rude. Go sit on the couch. I’ll get us a drink, set up a movie, and we’ll cuddle.

Shelley: OK………………………………………… That would be my bum.

John: Oh sorry. My hand accidently…

Shelley: Stop groping me.

John: It’s not groping. It’s…

Shelley: Really? Really? Passing gas? Forget it.

John: Why don’t we stop trying to be like Shenley and Marina and be ourselves?

Shelley: You’re right. We’ll be romantic, Smith style.

John: Exactly. Now darling, get your knickers off. Just had 10 pints down at the pub.
sh and joh
Shelley and John 

5 thoughts on “Get Your Knickers off

  1. Assuming that that’s John and he’s wearing a 5oClock shadow –
    -“Yes FRed(tm)I know technically I’m writing,now go..

    of beards and being a beard wearing geezer for 33years aka since I was 24 – I can honestly say that John looks better without the designer stubble.
    Bugger, FRed(tm)’s back. Don’t panic, don’t panic….


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