Have you ever made a New Year’s Resolution that you kept?
No, of course not. That’s silly, because people make resolutions that are impossible to keep. But that doesn’t stop my family from making them. This year’s New Year’s Resolution for my sons, Matt and Andrew, and myself is “to be patient with John.” We were confident until…
Shelley: Yes. Step one towards iPad technical independence has been completed. I made a triangle with the smart cover. Your turn.
John:……………………….. Arghhhhhh!!!!! I can’t do it. Can you show me?
Shelley: OK. Watch. There.
John: What did you do?
Shelley: I made a triangle and wrapped it. You try it.
John: Like this?
John: How about this?
John: I don’t get it. Show me again. Slowly.
Shelley: Yooooooouuuuuuuuu mmmmmmaaaake aaaaahhhhh ttttttrrrrriiiiiiaaaaannnnnggggglllllleeeee annnnnddddddd wwwwraaapppppp ittttt.
John: Ha! Ha!…. Like this?
Shelley: No! Holy S@#^!!! John. What is wrong with you?
John: I don’t know. I’ve tried and tried. Maybe if I…. Or if I….
Shelley: And we’re done. Youtube it.
John: Andrew, can you help me?
Andrew: Teach a man to fish, he’ll eat fish. Unlike mom, I have patience. I’ll show you. Watch carefully. Always go in towards the iPad. Your turn. Towards the iPad.The first three make the triangle… No. The corners need to be fuzzy. No. Those corners aren’t fuzzy…. No…. And…. also no. One more time. You have to turn the cover in the same direction. That’s not a triangle. Try again… No. Not even close. Wow…. OK. I have one more idea. Pretend you have to wrap the cover around the spoon. Wrap around it. Wrap around it in the same direction.
Same direction. Same direction. SAME DIRECTION!!!! WRAP AROUND IT IN THE SAME DIRECTION!!!! DAD! WHAT THE F@#$ IS THAT??? THAT’S NOT EVEN CLOSE TO WHAT I SHOWED YOU.
John: Yeoouuuuchhh! Did you just hit me with the spoon?
Andrew: John. Spare the spoon, spoil the dad.
Shelley and Matt: Don’t hit dad!!!!
Andrew: He’s not even trying.
John: Of course I’m trying.
Andrew: You can’t teach an old cat new tricks. And we’re done. Youtube it.
John: Matt, will you help me?
Matthew: Dad come sit next to me. Ignore mom and Andrew. I am an Educator. I’ve worked with Middle School children before. That means I am a very patient man. Just relax. Remember your New Year’s Resolution is not to stress things. Don’t stress this. We’ll take it nice and slow. Here we go.
Grab the smart cover. I want you to fold it in the way it wants to be folded. Keep folding it in the way it wants to fold. Is that the way it wants to fold? No.That is not the way it wants to fold. Try again. No. The way it wants to fold. No. You’re making a zig zag.
Take a breath. Start again. They all go away from you. Fold it away from you. Away from you. DAD!!! What are you doing? That is s not a triangle. Now it’s a F@#$ing square!!! And we’re done. Youtube it.
Shelley, Matt and Andrew: Youtube it. F@#$!!
Shelley and John