New Year’s Resolution, Teach a Man to Fish, He Eats Fish

564779_894923944306_1712056162_n

Daily Prompt: Resolved

Have you ever made a New Year’s Resolution that you kept?

No, of course not. That’s silly, because people make resolutions that are impossible to keep. But that doesn’t stop my family from making them. This year’s New Year’s Resolution for my sons, Matt and Andrew, and myself is “to be patient with John.” We were confident until…

January 2nd…

Shelley:  Yes. Step one towards iPad technical independence has been completed. I made a triangle with the smart cover. Your turn.

John:……………………….. Arghhhhhh!!!!! I can’t do it. Can you show me?

Shelley: OK. Watch. There.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

John: What did you do?

Shelley: I made a triangle and wrapped it. You try it.

John: Like this?

Shelley: No.

John: How about this?

Shelley: Nope.

John: I don’t get it. Show me again. Slowly.

Shelley: Yooooooouuuuuuuuu mmmmmmaaaake aaaaahhhhh ttttttrrrrriiiiiiaaaaannnnnggggglllllleeeee annnnnddddddd wwwwraaapppppp ittttt.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

John: Ha! Ha!…. Like this?

Shelley: No! Holy S@#^!!! John. What is wrong with you?

John: I don’t know. I’ve tried and tried. Maybe if I…. Or if I….

Shelley: And we’re done. Youtube it.

John: Andrew, can you help me?

Andrew: Teach a man to fish, he’ll eat fish. Unlike mom, I have patience. I’ll show you. Watch carefully. Always go in towards the iPad. Your turn. Towards the iPad.The first three make the triangle… No. The corners need to be fuzzy. No. Those corners aren’t fuzzy…. No…. And…. also no. One more time. You have to turn the cover in the same direction. That’s not a triangle. Try again… No. Not even close. Wow…. OK. I have one more idea. Pretend you have to wrap the cover around the spoon. Wrap around it. Wrap around it in the same direction.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Same direction. Same direction. SAME DIRECTION!!!! WRAP AROUND IT IN THE SAME DIRECTION!!!! DAD! WHAT THE F@#$ IS THAT??? THAT’S NOT EVEN CLOSE TO WHAT I SHOWED YOU. 

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

John: Yeoouuuuchhh! Did you just hit me with the spoon?

Andrew: John. Spare the spoon, spoil the dad.

Shelley and Matt: Don’t hit dad!!!!

Andrew: He’s not even trying.

John: Of course I’m trying.

Andrew: You can’t teach an old cat new tricks. And we’re done. Youtube it.

John: Matt, will you help me?

Matthew: Dad come sit next to me. Ignore mom and Andrew. I am an Educator. I’ve worked with Middle School children before. That means I am a very patient man. Just relax. Remember your New Year’s Resolution is not to stress things. Don’t stress this. We’ll take it nice and slow. Here we go.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Grab the smart cover. I want you to fold it in the way it wants to be folded. Keep folding it in the way it wants to fold. Is that the way it wants to fold? No.That is not the way it wants to fold. Try again. No. The way it wants to fold. No. You’re making a zig zag.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Take a breath. Start again. They all go away from you. Fold it away from you. Away from you. DAD!!! What are you doing? That is s not a triangle. Now it’s a F@#$ing square!!! And we’re done. Youtube it.

John: But….

Shelley, Matt and Andrew: Youtube it. F@#$!!

How to make a triangle  with your iPad smart cover.

Shelley and John

Advertisements

14 thoughts on “New Year’s Resolution, Teach a Man to Fish, He Eats Fish

  1. I been scrolling up and down and up. Oh! Poor John…what misery have you put him through. Ha Ha Ha..You guys are awesome.
    I’ve read 4 posts of yours till now and trust me, one could turn them into a film. These are pure, original scenes worth a movie…

    Like

  2. Pingback: Weekly Photo Challenge: Resolved (Organ Player Paris) « What's (in) the picture?

  3. Pingback: LAZY RESOLUTIONS « hastywords

Enjoyed the post? Have a similar story? Have a better story? Here's your chance!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s