Little English Girl: Mummy, I just loved “Jack and the Beanstalk.” Where did Panto’s (Pantomimes) come from?
English Mummy: Well darling, a long long time ago, there was a lovely couple, named Babs and Brian, who lived in Saffron Walden.
One night, Babs and Brian, and their family and friends were playing a very very competitive game called, The Humming Game. The women were determined to win this second game of the evening,
as the men had already handily beaten the girls in Password, despite Shelley cheating.
The Girls: Come on Jo. We can beat those sanctimonious, arrogant, bragging men!
Shelley’s niece, Jo: Oh no. I don’t know this song. I can’t hum this.
Shelley: I’ll do it. I’ll do it! Let me see… John, what is it? Ahhhh. That is hard. Never mind. Here goes. Hmm. Hm. Mmmmphhhh. Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Shelley: Hmm. Hm. Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Shelley: Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha! I’m so sorry. But I’m so bad. Hmm. Hm.
Shelley: Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Hmm. Hm. Hm…. I just can’t do this. Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Shelley and the Girls: Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha!
The Boys: If you stopped laughing, you could.
Shelley: I’m trying. Hmm. Hm. Hm…. Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha! Oh Jesus. Hmm. Hm. Hm….
The Girls: I’ve never heard anything like that before. What is it?
Shelley: It’s because I have a cold. I can barely breathe. And….
The Boys: Come on Shelley. Get on with it.
Shelley: OK. OK. Hmm. Hm. Hm.. Girls! You can do this!
The Girls: Do you have a clue? No. Not a clue.
Shelley: Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! This is terrible. I’m terrible. Even healthy, my humming is only in a three note range. Whewwwweee. I need to stop laughing and blow my nose. I can do this. Ahem. Right. Here we go. Hmm. Hm. Hm…. Oh no. Oh! Ha!…
The Girls: Is that a song? That’s not a song!
The Boys: Oh yes it is!
The Girls: Oh no it’s not!
The Boys: Oh yes it is! You would get it, if only Shelley would…
Shelley: Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha! Hmm… Ha! Hm… Ha! Ha! Hm… Ha! Ha! Ha! Just shout something out.
The Girls: Bohemian Rhapsody? Top Cat? Bread of Heaven? Sound of Music?
Shelley: Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Can I just sit down?
The Boys: No. You have to stay up there until your team guesses.
Shelley: Oh God. What a bunch of Baddies. I’m going to be up here forever. Hang on. Hmm. Hm. Hm. Hm. Hm…. Hmm. Hm. Hm. Hm. Hm…. HMM. HM. HM. HM. HM….!!!!!! HMMMM????????
Shelley, The Boys and the Girls: Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Shelley: Oh to Hell with it. Forgive me for what I’m about to do. HMM. HM. HM. HM. HM….!!!!!!
The Girls: Germany’s National Anthem!!!!!!!!!!
Shelley and the Girls: Yayyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!
The Boys: Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! Shelley! You can’t give a straight arm salute and march around Goose Stepping. That’s cheating. Not to mention politically incorrect.
The Girls: Oh yes we can!
The Boys: Oh no you can’t!
The Girls: Oh yes we can!
English Mummy: And that, my darling, is where pantomimes came from.
Shelley and John