Viva Las Vegas



Ticket Booth Lady on the Vegas Strip: Here you go, 2 show tickets, a 3 day Cruise for 2 and an envelope full of Freebies. All this if for only listening to a 2 to 3 hour Time Share Presentation. Remember, there’s no obligation to buy.

John: (Muttering) What a load of….

Shelley: Shhhhh. That’s great because, I want to be honest with you, we are not going to buy a Time Share.

Ticket Booth Lady on the Strip: Not a problem. Did you know that only 1% actually buy. So out of 300 that’s 299% who don’t buy.

John: (Still muttering) That does not make any mathematical sense.

Shelley: Shhh. Then I guess we’re 1 of the 299%. Wait…


This is not Diane.

This is not Denise.

Denise from Grandview Estates Time Shares in Las Vegas: I’m Denise. Are we ready to buy a Time Share because you sure don’t look like one of those couples who are only here for the free shows and Cruise?

John: (Barely muttering) We are not buying a Time Share.

Shelley: Shhhh. Actually we are here for the Freebies.

Denise: You two are hysterical. Tee! Hee! Hee! Oh my. Shall we start? Now, even though the housing market in Las Vegas has collapsed, the Grandview Estates Time Shares have prospered… Blah.. Blah… Blah… Blah… Blah….


Denise: For only $34,000, you get a deed for two, connected, one bedroom condos, two free weeks compliments of RCI and 80,000 points. Maintenance fees are only $695 per year, and Membership to RCI is $289 for the first year. All you need to do is get out that charge card and pay 10% right now and I’ll hand you over the deed. What do you think?

John: (Not muttering at all) I think you must be S@#$ing me.

Shelley: Shhhhhh. No thank you.

Denise: I can do better. Here’s the one time only offer – only $29,000, if you commit this week. That includes everything I just mentioned. How does that sound?

John: That sounds insane.

Shelley: For God’s sake, Shhhhhh! No thank you.

Denise: (Conspiratorially whispers.) Here’s my last offer, $24,000, but only if you commit today and you sign a statement agreeing never to discuss this deal with anyone. Yes?

John: No. In fact not a chance in Hell.

Shelley: John! Stop it!

Denise: Pardon me?

Shelley: What John is trying to say is, we can buy a one bedroom condo for less than $50,000, in a nice area of Las Vegas. So, no thank you.

Denise: Thank you, Shelley and John. I’m  going to get my boss to sign for your gifts.

John: Shelley! Pretend to be sick like that woman over there. That way we can get out of here right now.

Shelley: What? No! What is wrong with you? You knew what this would be like. Jesus!

Denise’s Boss:  Here’s what I can do. If you agree to only half of the points, I can get you in for $19,000.

Think Car Salesman

Think Car Salesman

John: Dear God people. How many more ways can we say “No?”

Shelley: No thank you.

Denise’s Boss: Still a little rich for you? OK, If you buy only one unit, I can bring it down to $14,000.

John: We. Do. Not. Want. To. Buy. A. Time. Share.

Shelley: No thank you.

Denise’s Boss: $9,000? But you’ll only have enough points to use RCI every second year.

John: Faaaaaaccccccckkkkkkk meeeeeeeeee!!!!! For the final time, “No.” Can we just have our gift certificates? Please?

Shelley: Please. 

Denise and Denise’s Boss: 

Shelley and John: 

Denise and Denise’s Boss: 

Shelley and John: 

Denise and Denise’s Boss: 

Shelley and John: 


Denise and Denise’s Boss: Thank you for listening to our presentation. Hand this slip to the gentleman downstairs and he will give you your gift certificates.

Shelley and John: Thank you. Viva Las Vegas!!!

Gentleman Downstairs: Hey. Hey. Heyyyyyyyy!!!!!!! Shelley. John. Have I got a deal for you….

Daily Prompt: Shoulda Woulda Coulda

Tell us about something you know you should do . . . but don’t.

OK. John didn’t really say,

Faaaaaaccccccckkkkkkk meeeeeeeeee!!!!! For the final time, “No.” Can we just have our gift certificates? Please?” 

But he definitely Shoulda Woulds Coulda.

vegas show

Shelley and John



14 thoughts on “Viva Las Vegas

  1. Pingback: Viva Las Vegas | get thee to the fucking nunnery

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