This Bike Ride Can Not be Over Soon Enough


Hiker: How are those mountain bikes tracking in the soft sand?

Shelley: Terrible. What were we thinking?

Hiker: Ha! Ha! Take it easy.

Shelley: Seriously, why are we biking on this trail? Why didn’t we hike? Hiking would have been so much easier. 

John: I believe your exact words were, “No way are we turning back. Smiths don’t quit!!!!!!”

Shelley: John. Stop. Look at that cactus. We have to take a picture. It reminds me of Andrew’s cactus from his old Playmobil set.


John: Not working. The disc is full.  

Shelley: How can that be? I deleted everything. Let me see. Why doesn’t this stupid, old camera work? It’s making me Bat S@#% Loco!!! 

John: (Worriedly) Did you take your “Crazy Pills” (Menopause) today?

Shelley: I sure did. Imagine if I hadn’t.

John: Dear God!

Shelley: Do you want to know what else annoys me?

John: Please don’t say how “I” eat.

Shelley: But I want people to admire how well mannered we Smiths are, when we sit at the Head Table.

John: Sorry to disappoint you, but we’re not sitting at the Head Table during Andrew  (My son) and Ash’s wedding.


Shelley: Well that sucks. Hmmmm. I have it. If I go to folder, then reformat. Ta Daa!!! So freakin’ smart. Bet you’re glad you married me.

John: You have no idea.

Female Hiker: Let me to take a picture of you two. Smile.

Shelley: Oh I’m sorry. I was talking. Can you take another one?

John: Now there’s a surprise. 

Everyone: Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Hiker: Here you go. Have a great day.


Shelley: Let me look. Ughhhh. How embarrassing! Why didn’t you tell me that this top looks ridiculous? 

John: There’s nothing wrong with that top. In fact every man who’s passed you would agree with me.

Shelley: Yeouchhh!!! My arm just brushed that cactus. I wonder if its poisonous. I guess we’ll find out when my arm swells, rots and drops off. It would be a shame though, because I really wanted to look good in my new dress for the wedding.

If you look closely, you can see the two small thorns.

If you look closely, you can see the two small, deadly thorns.

John: You’ll look great.

Shelley: I sure hope so. Otherwise what would be the point of working out every day? WT??? Where did all these steps come from? How do “real” mountain bikers pop up them? Guess we’re walking. Take my picture. Take my picture!!!!!!!


Shelley: We have to cross a stream!?!?! This is hard core. Seriously hard core. I love Catalina State Park. Let me go first, then I’ll take your picture…. Smile. Let me check.


Ahhh…. you had your head down. Can you go back and bike through it again?

John: This bike ride can not be over soon enough.

Shelley: Now why would you say a thing like that?

Shelley and John

31 thoughts on “This Bike Ride Can Not be Over Soon Enough

  1. OMG! That is a funny, funny post. Oddly, reading the post makes me miss you. Now how can that be? Good luck with the head table pipe dream. Go you good things go.


  2. Strewth, now I’m worried. I’m off into the mountains on the mountain bike in a couple of weeks, would normally be running, walking or climbing over it… Your post is going to haunt me for sure! 😉


    • Ha!Ha! Just scrolled through some of your blogs. Somehow I bet you know how to get up those rocks and stairs without getting off your bike. BTW we are recreational sport rock climbers, not quite in your league.


  3. You are So. Fucking. Hot.
    If I looked like you, I would be ALL OVER that top. Do not stop wearing it. (And this is not inappropriate because: 1. I am a girl and I am allowed to make hubba hubba comments about fellow girls, and 2. I am slightly squiffy.
    So nernies.
    Keep it up hot stuff. Your hubby is a lucky man.


    • Ha!Ha! Thanks. The lady put the old tramp top in the clothing donation bag, but her husband took it back out advising her not to be too hasty!! 🙂 I wanted to write it was a “classic piece of S@#$” but you beat me to it. 🙂


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