ZERO DARK THIRTY

A day in LA: a tour of Beverly Hills,IMG805

traffic to…
PicMonkey Collage

 the Angels versus Dodgers Spring training game…

PicMonkey Collagefollowed by the two and a half hour night time drive back to Hemet, California.

John: Once you get on the Highway you are turning right onto the 10 in 21km’s…. You are turning right in 20.5 km’s…. You are turning right in 19 km’s… You…

Andrew: Jesus, dad.

John: Go straight and then U-turn. But wait for the signal arrow to turn green. Don’t go! Do not go!  OK. It’s green.You are “Good to go.” I said, “Good to go.”

Andrew: Dad! You’re stressing mom out.

John: What? No. I’m… Slow down! Slow down! Cars are braking ahead. I see lights. I SEE LIGHTS!!!!!

image3

Andrew: Dad, why do you have to turn the drive home into a military operation? It’s scary enough as it is.

ZERO. DARK. THIRTY.

John:  No, I’m not. Andrew, this is how we communicate when we drive.

Andrew: But…

John: Watch out!!! Truck merging on your right. He’s coming in fast. Too fast!!!

Andrew: Incoming. Incoming! Three o’clock. Three o’clock! Silver pick-up. DODGE. RAMOne. Five. Zero. Zero. Diesel.

ZERO. DARK. THIRTY.

John: Heads up! A car is right up our butt. What an idiot. Try and lose him. Speed up.

Andrew: Enemy has locked us in his sights. Crunch time. Balls to the walls!

ZERO. DARK. THIRTY.

Shelley: Hee. Hee.

John: Not working. Try changing lanes. No. Don’t change lanes. Stay in this lane. Stay in this lane!!!!

image2

Andrew:  Abort. ABORT!!!

ZERO. DARK. THIRTY.

Shelley: Heh. Heh. Heh.

John: OK. You are “Good to go.” Nice, Shelley… Andrew, when you help mom, you can’t say just, “Go.” You need to say, “Good to go.”

Andrew: What’s wrong with, “Go?”

John: It’s too confusing. It sounds like, “No.”  Let’s see if you understand. Right now mom needs to move over into the left lane. Go ahead, you check and tell her if it’s “Good to go.”

Andrew: Go mom.

John: Shelley, he means, “Good to go.” You are, “Good to go.” Andrew, I just said you have to say, “Good to go.” We have a system, you know. You can’t just… brake lights up ahead. Slow down. Slow down!

Andrew: Flash Bang! FLASH BANG!!! USE CAUTION. EXTREME CAUTION!!!

ZERO. DARK. THIRTY.

Shelley: Ha. Ha.

John: See that car. Follow that car. Don’t lose him. Whatever you do, don’t lose him.

Andrew: Target has been sighted. Lock on. The “Target” is in the chamber. Repeat. The “Target” is in the chamber.

ZERO. DARK. THIRTY.
Shelley and Andrew: Ha! Ha! Ha!
John: You’re so funny.
Andrew: Confirmed. Andrew is the “funny” one. YEUUUUUUCHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! That was not water. What was that? 

John: That was God paying you back for making fun of me. Pure lemon juice. 
 
Andrew: The drinking source has been compromised. Do not drink the water. Repeat. DO. NOT. DRINK. THE. WATER.
ZERO. DARK. THIRTY.
Shelley and Andrew: Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha!
John: Go ahead you two. Laugh it up. 
Andrew: It’s not my fault. Every time I’m with mom, she laughs at everything I say, so obviously I’m going to keep saying stuff to make her laugh. The downside is that I get into trouble with you or Ash (Andrew’s wife.) I’m going to stop. Right now. In fact I’m going to…. CEASE AND DESIST!!
Shelley and Andrew: Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha! Heeeeee!!! Haaaaa!!!!! Whew…. Sniff… Oh God! Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha! Heeeeee!!! Haaaaa!!!!! 
Andrew: Sorry dad. I actually don’t know why we’re laughing. It’s not really that funny. Maybe it’s because we’re a little punch drunk or because it’s been such a long day, but whatever it is… Right side!. Strong side!  Cone! Cone! Cone! Cone! Cone Down! Cone! Cone! Cone! 30 miles per hour! Cone! Cone! Cone! Cone! Cone Down! Cone! Cone! Cone! 30 miles per…
Like this, but at night.

Like this, but at night.

Shelley and Andrew: Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha! Heeeeee!!! Haaaaa!!!!! Whew…. Sniff… Oh God! Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha! Heeeeee!!! Haaaaa!!!!! 

John: Turn right and we’re home. Thank God. 

Andrew: Mission accomplished in

ZERO. DARK. THIRTY.

Can’t get enough of my family? Click on this link, Family and meet the rest of them.

Shelley and John

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24 thoughts on “ZERO DARK THIRTY

  1. In a KIA ? That’s short for AUDI isn’t it? I bet those Californian cones are bigger than the English ones too – more space.

    Like

  2. OR,

    Shades of KIA Grey Interior Plastic .

    He was in ecstasy, with a huge smile on his face, as his wife moved forwards,

    then backwards, forward, then backwards again …..

    back and forth ….. back and forth ….. in and out ….. in and out.

    She could feel the sweat on her forehead and between her breasts,

    and trickling down the small of her back, she was getting near to the end.

    Her heart was pounding … her face was flushed … then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder.

    Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted,”OK, OK! I can’t park the f*cking car! You do it, you SMUG bastard!

    Like

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