Doctor: How are you feeling? Any problems?
Shelley: No. All good. I’m just here to have my HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) prescription renewed.
Doctor: You’ve been taking HRT for 5 years?
Shelley: Yes. Thank God. Better living through pharmaceuticals. Right?
Doctor: Hmmmm….. Let me just look at my notes. Your estrogen dosage is actually quite low. And… you still have your uterus, correct?
Shelley: Last time I checked. Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Doctor: Which is why I prescribed progesterone… Which also means it’s time for…
Shelley: “THE TALK?”
Doctor: Yes. “THE TALK.” As you know, for the last 5 years, your body has been going through the stages of menopause or “Menopausal Morphing.” Therefore, as a prudent doctor, I must advise you to stop taking HRT.
Shelley: (Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha! He’s kidding.)
Doctor: I’m not kidding.
Shelley: ( Noooooooo!!!!!!!! I need HRT. Otherwise I won’t be able to sleep because I worry about everything. EVERYTHING! Like if my nails will be long enough for the wedding, or if I’ll find a back up dress in time, or if John and I will have our little speech ready for the reception or if we’ll find a mother-son song to dance to in time… And…
Jesus! I still have small ones. But without HRT I’ll be a dripping hot mess. A puddle of sweat. Oh God! I’m having one right now and I’m on the DRUGS!!! No! No! No! No! Noooo!!!)
Doctor: I’m sorry to say that it’s also possible that you will experience a reduced sex drive.
Shelley: (Can’t wait to see the look on John’s face when I tell him that.)
Doctor: But if you continue to take HRT, you will increase your risk of breast cancer, blood clots, heart disease and stroke.
Shelley: (Holy Shitzu! He’s not serious. Is he?)
Doctor: I’m dead serious. If you agree to do this, we would slowly reduce your intake so your body adapts. It won’t even know.
Shelley: (Trust me. It will know.)
Doctor: If you decide you can’t function without HRT, I’ll renew your prescription, but only with the understanding that you continue to exercise regularly, eat healthy, not gain weight. And of course, not take up smoking. Think about it. OK?
Shelley: (No) OK.
Doctor: Now that we’ve had “THE TALK” let’s move on to…
I’m going to give you a name of a lure that is guaranteed to catch one, the white bucktail fly. Now this little guy….
Shelley and John