Shelley: So, your family’s all good. You’ve just eaten bangers and mash. And England’s sunny. I don’t believe it. Swear on it.
John: I swear. Hey I forgot to ask, how’d your 2013 Oceanside 10K run go?
Shelley: I’ll skip to the last ten meters and give you a play by play, as If Matthew (our son) filmed it.
(Cue music. Obviously “Chariots of Fire.” to set the mood. Please begin humming it now. Slow motion)
TEN METERS! Shelley appears in the frame, determined to beat her previous week’s 8K pace and fifth place finish in her age group.
(The crowd goes wild)
“ARRRRRRRGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!YAAAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!! GO GIRL!!!!!!!”
NINE METERS! Shelley is buoyed by the crowd.
EIGHT METERS! Shelley’s heart rate, her breathing accelerate.
SEVEN METERS! Shelley’s arms pump furiously.
SIX METERS! Shelley’s legs piston.
FIVE METERS! Shelley imperiously ignores the stitch ripping through her right side.
FOUR METERS! Shelley’s on fire.
(The crowd reaches ballistic levels.)
“GO GIRL! GO GIRL!! GO GIRL!!! GOOOOOOOOO!!!!”
THREE METERS! Shelley responds by reaching even deeper. Impossibly, she kicks it up another level.
TWO METERS! Shelley’s eyes are on the prize.
ONE METER! Shelley leans in.
HALF A METER! Shelley throws her arms in the air.
ONE QUARTER OF A METER! Shelley is passed by a twelve year old girl. A twelve year old girl.
(Camera zooms in for extreme closeup. Shelley’s face says it all.)
John: Oh no!
Shelley: Oh yes! Kids these days, eh? No respect. Oh well. I successfully defended my title. You are talking to the fastest fifty to fifty-four year old female, out of a whopping field of seven!
Shelley and John