Chariots of Fire

2013-05-16 19.07.56

Shelley: So, your family’s all good. You’ve just eaten bangers and mash. And England’s sunny. I don’t believe it. Swear on it.

John: I swear. Hey I forgot to ask, how’d your 2013 Oceanside 10K run go?

Shelley: I’ll skip to the last ten meters and give you a play by play, as If Matthew (our son) filmed it.

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(Cue music. Obviously “Chariots of Fire.” to set the mood. Please begin humming it now.  Slow motion)

TEN METERS! Shelley appears in the frame, determined to beat her previous week’s 8K pace and fifth place finish in her age group.

Shelley Race

(The crowd goes wild)

“ARRRRRRRGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!YAAAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!! GO GIRL!!!!!!!”  

NINE METERS! Shelley is buoyed by the crowd.

EIGHT METERS! Shelley’s heart rate, her breathing accelerate. 

SEVEN METERS! Shelley’s arms pump furiously. 

SIX METERS! Shelley’s legs piston.

FIVE METERS! Shelley imperiously ignores the stitch ripping through her right side

FOUR METERS! Shelley’s on fire.

(The crowd reaches ballistic levels.)

“GO GIRL! GO GIRL!! GO GIRL!!! GOOOOOOOOO!!!!”  

THREE METERS! Shelley responds by reaching even deeper. Impossibly, she kicks it up another level. 

TWO METERS! Shelley’s eyes are on the prize.

ONE METER! Shelley leans in.

HALF A METER! Shelley throws her arms in the air. 

ONE QUARTER OF A METER! Shelley is passed by a twelve year old girl. A twelve year old girl.

(Camera zooms in for extreme closeup. Shelley’s face says it all.)

John: Oh no!

Shelley: Oh yes!  Kids these days, eh? No respect. Oh well. I successfully defended my title. You are talking to the fastest fifty to fifty-four year old female, out of a whopping field of seven! 

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Shelley and John

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13 thoughts on “Chariots of Fire

  1. Although it was a few years ago, I entered track & field competiton. I entered the 100 & long jump in the ‘masters’ division. The 100 was called. There I was with my starting blocks and spikes, One of my competitiors asked, what are they? The starter calls on your mark,..I get in my blocks…set….GO! I am trying to break 13 seconds. I can hear the small crowd roaring. I triumphantly cross the finish line and turn around to see my competitors jogging up the track. I think the roaring of the crowd I heard was them laughing at how hard I was running. I put away my track spikes after that and retired in GLORY!!

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  2. Another good post of the experiences of nice weird folk,however, we – that’s still FRed(tm) and I – are rather concerned that the first photo depicts what are supposed to be sausages yet look more like genetalia of a tribe of,urm, tribesmen i encountered in a south american rain forest some years back whilst on a Proof of Life encounter.
    One would suggest cooking for at least three hours,serve with a hearty sauce and replace the frozen peas with toothpicks as these will help remove the grissle from One’s teeth.
    We are here——————————————-> to help. Enjoy your meal John.

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    • Am wondering if you found the “Wherethefakarewee tribe while on your Proof Of Life Quest. Sausages? Are you really an Englishman? Surely Bangers. Maybe he’s smuggle some back like his mom used to. 🙂

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      • THey only go bang if you forget to prick them,which is the ultimate crime.
        To prove i am Engleeeeesh ask John to g,g,google the Maldon Mud Race,Essex.
        He’s been entered for 2014. Oh yes.

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  3. Always use the wrestler’s “Clotheslines” technique when running to stop ANYONE from passing you. On a more positive note, you could totally kick my butt in a 10K, 5K, or whatever distance race. Now, in the swimming pool, it is a whole other matter….game on.

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