MASTERCHEF with Gordon Ramsay


France: Zut Alors! Here comes Chef Ramsay.

Pierre: Calmez vous.

Chef Ramsay: What is that?

Pierre and France: Chicken Fricassee Chef Ramsay.

Chef Ramsay: No, what that is, is S@#t! I wouldn’t eat that pile of nasty, beige, bland crap if it was the last thing left to eat on earth. A starving dog wouldn’t touch that. J@^&$! You two are the sorriest excuses for MASTERCHEFS that I’ve ever laid eyes on.

Pierre and France: Oui, Chef Ramsay.

Chef Ramsay: What are you going to do about it?

Pierre and France:….

Chef Ramsay: Oh for F@#$’s sake. You are supposedly the best France has to offer.  Don’t just stand there with your thumbs up your arses. You have less than ten minutes to save that sorry looking, chopped up, under cooked, bland mess before I and the rest of the judges test it before an international TV audience.  

Pierre and France: Oui, Chef Ramsay.

Chef Ramsay: Oh F@#$ me! MOVE!

Pierre and France: Oui, Chef Ramsay.

Chef Ramsay: Sigh. Look gentlemen, nothing personal. I’m only doing this to help you. I like both of you. I really do. But you have to understand that if I’m not hard on you, you’ll never survive the pressure of running your own kitchen. Understand?

Pierre and France: Oui, Chef Ramsay.

Chef Ramsay: Are we good?

Pierre and France: Oui, Chef Ramsay.

Chef Ramsay: Right, I’ll leave you to it.

 Pierre and France:

Pierre: What a stuffed up, know it all, ahhh… how do the English say?


France: Shhhh!!!!!

Pierre: And where did he get that fake posh accent, eh? I bet he practiced speaking with a gooseberry rolling around in his mouth. He’s not even British, he’s Scottish. Sniff.

France: He might hear you.

Pierre: I don’t care. I’ll show that pompous… 

France: What are you doing?

Pierre: Chef Ramsay wants le colour. Chef Ramsay gets le colour.

France: What is that?

Pierre: Je ne sais pas. I found it under the sink.

Nothing personal. 

Shelley and John

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