“Do THIS Together For More Sex”
“Pound pavement together. Couples who do so spend more time in the sack, according to a new survey from the Brooks Running Company.
Roughly 66 percent of 1,000 survey respondents said they had more sex if they ran with their partner, according to the data.” ( Markham Heid for Men’s Health, June 12, 2013)
Brooks Running Company did not survey the Smiths.
John: Since I’m glowing, I’ll run in front so the traffic can see us.
Shelley: What a great guy I married, willing to sacrifice his life for mine.
John: Maybe later, you can show me how much you appreciate yet another selfless gesture from me. Wink!
Shelley: How can I say “No.” to the man who personifies Great Expectations?
Shelley and John: Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha!
John: Isn’t this Jordan River area beautiful?
John: When we get back, let’s take out our kayaks.
John: Try some fishing.
Shelley: You bet.
John: After “you know what” of course.
Shelley: Gawwwdddd. Is sex all you ever think about?
John: From the second I wake up until the second I fall asleep. Heh! Heh! Heh! Oh. Oh. Only 5 minutes in and there’s already a steep hill.
Shelley: Which goes forever.
Shelley: Born ready.
At first, Shelley and John’s pace match. Inevitably, John pulls ahead. 1 meter… 2 meters… 3 meters… 4 meters… When John reaches the top, 10 meters separate the Smiths.
Shelley eventually catches John. Shelley knows that John runs hills at a quicker pace.
They run the flat. Inevitably, John pulls ahead. 1 meter… 2 meters… 3 meters… 4 meters… When the flat ends, 10 meters separate the Smiths.
Shelley eventually catches John. Shelley knows that John runs flats at a quicker pace.
They hit a downhill section. Inevitably, John pulls ahead. 1 meter… 2 meters… 3 meters… 4 meters… When the downhill ends, 10 meters separate the Smiths.
Shelley eventually catches John. Shelley knows that John runs downhills at a quicker pace.
For C%^$t sakes, he runs everything at a quicker pace. But G%$ D@#$ it!!!! If they’re on a run together, they should be running together.
Shelley’s eyes lock on John. She unleashes thousands, no, make that millions of laser rays. The green kind.
The direct hit spins John around.
John: Just so you know, this is not how we’re going to run Tough Mudder.
Shelley: You’re F@#$%ing right it’s not, because I’m not doing Tough Mudder.
John: Shelley, I was trying to protect you.
Shelley: Ha! Whatever! A lot of protection you gave me running that far ahead. J@#$s!!! Every time we run together, this happens. I know you’re the faster runner, but last time I checked, running etiquette dictates that the pace is set by the slowest person. If you wanted to run fast, you should have ran on your own.
John: I’m sorry.
Shelley: You know how I hate when this happens.
John: I know.
Shelley: I thought the entire point of Tough Mudder is to compete as a team.
John: It is. It’s just that I get in the zone. It won’t happen again.
John: Why don’t you run in front, so you can set the pace?
John: There. Better?
John: We’re still going to run Tough Mudder together, right?
Shelley: I guess.
John: Good. Good. Just one more thing.
John: What are my chances?
Shelley and John