John: Did you get the special RV toilet paper?
John: The Buzz Bombs?
John: The replacement reel?
Shelley: Yes. And the vegetables. We’re done. Let’s go.
John: Not yet. We still need a mirror.
Shelley: We looked here before. They don’t have the right one.
John: Fine. We need a plastic container for the wine glasses.
Shelley: I thought you said you had one in the garage.
John: So I did. So… I… did… What else is on my list? A napkin holder. Did you get a napkin holder?
Shelley: Oh my God! This is taking forever. That’s it. I’m tired of shopping. We can do this another day. We’re outta here.
John: But there’s still things on my list.
Shelley: There’s always things on your list.
John: You know I like to check things off of my list.
Shelley: I know you do. And I like to go climbing.
But if we wander around this store much longer, it’ll be too late.
John: This is why I don’t like shopping with you. We never get things done because you’re so impatient. From now on, we are not shopping together.
Shelley: You said that thirty years ago, while shopping in St. Anthony, Nf.
John: That’s because you lost the plot.
Shelley: I lost the plot because you were crazy.
John: Me? ME? I was trying to save us money.
Shelley: By buying hundreds of cans of beans?
John: They were on sale.
Shelley: I hated baked beans then and I hate bake beans now.
John: For the record, I was trying to pay off your University loans.
Shelley: I wouldn’t have had any loans if you didn’t keep calling me collect from England.
John: From a freezing phone booth, in the middle of the night. There’s the thanks I get.
Shelley: I’ll thank you if you agree to leave this store right now.
John: I leave my family behind, arrive on the northern shores of Newfoundland with my blue trunk storing all my worldly possessions and 5 thousand dollars of life savings…
Shelley: I promise to never go shopping with you again.
John: Which went directly against your University debt. Yours not mine. Because I did not have debt. Because I not only taught during the day, I taught at night and worked in a pub.
Shelley: I’ll let you check me off your list.
John: The napkin holder can wait.
Shelley and John