Biking, Bussing, Climbing, Chippendale Strippers, Switzerland, Phantom Poos

My climbing friend, Cinders, who I haven’t seen in four years: Check?

Shelley: Check.

Cinders: On belay?

Shelley: Belay on.

Cinders: Climbing?

Shelley: Climb on. Cinders: Hmmm… I think I might climb to the right.

Shelley: Right works. I still can’t believe those two cops wouldn’t pass us when we were bike riding around Stanley Park. Cinders: Because they were enjoying “the view.” Yuck! No. That didn’t work. Maybe this way?

Shelley: That way’s good. Are you sure that you didn’t wiggle your butt at them?

Cinders: What? No!

Shelley: Liar.

Shelley and CInders: Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Cinders: And for the record, even though you said loud enough for the angry bus driver to hear,

“Cinders, that was you who pushed the “STOP” button.”

it wasn’t me. Ah! Ha! Got you. Now to the left.

Shelley: Yeah, left’s the route. Admit it. You were hitting on that creepy bus driver. Do you like this rock?

Cinders: Shelley! Not true! I would never hit on someone who says,

“It’s better that you two don’t know what I’m thinking.”

Ughhh! Disgusting. This rock’s very different from Chamonix rock. We get our Chippendale friend, Paul, who’s real name is Brody, who’s not climbed that much, to lead. Shelley: That’s terrible. Was he really a Chippendale Stripper? Stop. Let me take your picture. I’ll lock you off and climb up a bit, so you look really pro. Nice. Cinders: Yep. He sure was. Awww. I didn’t get my leg up as high as yours. Shelley: Years of yoga. Years.

Cinders: Really?

Shelley: Not at all. I was showing off and now my groin’s killing me. Is he still good looking? You know, stripper material?

Cinders: Is he ever. When he climbs, he takes his shirt off.

I’m thinking Brody looks a lot like Billy here.

Shelley: Yummy! Ooooops. I’m slipping.

Cinders: Oh Shelley. You pulled me off the rock. His body? My oh my. You can do this, “Purrrrrrrrr” with your nails down his hard body. Climbing?

Shelley: I’m so sorry. Would love to see a picture of him. Is he Swiss? Climb on.

Cinders: He’s from the States. Hmmm… need to do a little push you, pull you here.

Shelley: Absolutely the time for push you, pull you. So he has a sense of humour? Unlike…?

Cinders: Yes. Small steps, Cinders.

Shelley: Small steps good. I swear, they’re only happy when they’re taking your money.

Cinders: You know it. And they are soooo  literal. This one time, while teaching, I remarked that if the students continued to be rambunctious, I was going to have to throw them off of the balcony. And they said,

“Oh Cinders. We don’t do that in Switzerland.”

Shelley and Cinders: Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Cinders: But I’m working on them. It takes time. Awww. Smearing.

Shelley: Smearing sucks eh?

Cinders: Sure does. OK. At the anchor. Tighten. On you.

Shelley: Nice one. V-sit. Lowering. 

Shelley and Cinders: John. You’re awfully quiet.

John: I’m happy to listen to you two catch up.

Shelley: Want to listen to what Dr. Oz says about “Phantom Poos?”

John: Not really.

Shelley: To be honest, I didn’t really get what Dr. Oz said a “Phantom Poo” was. Did you?

CInders: It’s like when your poo is like a rock because…

Shelley and John