But I’m Your Mother

Shelley: Morning Matt. It’s almost 10:00.

Matt: Huh?

Shelley: Here’s your folded laundry. Need anything else washed?

Matt: Thanks mom. I think I’m good.

Shelley: Don’t you have a shirt for me to mend?

Matt: Yawn. Just give me 20 more minutes. I’m still on vacation.

Shelley: No worries. I’ll start breakfast when I hear you moving around. How’s that?

Matt: MMmmmppphhhhh….

Shelley: Whhhoeeeee! You must be sweating to death, it’s sooo hot in here. Hang on, I’ll open your window.

Matt: I’m not hot, mom. If I was, I would open the window. 20 minutes, OK?

Shelley: OK. Tell you what, you go back to sleep and I’ll tidy up in here. I’ll be as quiet as a mouse. You won’t even hear me. Not a sound. Not even a whisper of a sound. Did a bomb hit this room? Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Matt: Mom.

Shelley: Sorry. Sorry.

Matt: Mom, you know I can do these things myself. I do live all my own and survive just fine.

Shelley: I know. I know. But I’m your mother and I don’t get the chance to fuss over you very often.

Matt: I’ve been here off and on for almost two months. 

Shelley: That’s true, but in less than a week you’ll be gone and I won’t see you until Christmas. Besides, if you think about it, you should be the one looking after me.

Matt: Mom, you hardly need looking after.

Shelley: Of course I do. Dad always looks after me. He brings me tea in bed and makes me chocolate chips muffins, and does the laundry, and goes grocery shopping, and puts gas in the car and checks for horrible spiky black whiskers on my upper lip because that’s what happens when you go through menopause and you start slowly coming off your crazy pills, you get horrible spiky black whiskers sprouting on your upper lip.

Matt: Euhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Shelley: Exactly.

Matt:…

Shelley:…

Matt: Sigh. Let me look… There’s nothing there.

Shelley: Of course not. I pluck them out as soon as I see the little buggers.

Matt: Oh my God! 20 minutes and no more mothering! Please. I love you.

Shelley: You’re right. You’re right. You’re an adult for God’s sake. I had two babies by the time I was 28. No more fussing.

Matt: Thank you.

Shelley:…

Matt:…

Shelley: Would you like a fresh orange with your breakfast?

Matt: Can you peel it and break it down into tiny sections the way I like it?

Shelley and John