Guests, Like Fish, Begin to Smell After Three Days

Day 40

Because of the National Government Shut Down, This National Park (Appalachian Trail) is closed.

Appalachian Trail

Appalachian Trail

Shelley: Robbie, time for you to go to bed. You’ve got the lizardy eyes thing going.

John: Yeah, Robbie, it’s 9:30, way past your bedtime.

Robbie: I wouldn’t be so exhausted if I hadn’t spent the last three days looking after you two. Three activities a day,Toni. Three activities a day while you were off visiting friends and family. They almost killed Sona by making him walk the Appalachian Trail.

John: No Toni, Robbie almost killed me. Did you know that trail is full of ticks? Right now I could be dying of lyme disease. Know what else, Toni? He said that they could attach themselves to my “you know whats.”

Robbie: Ahhhhh Johnny, you know that is such Bull S#$T!

Shelley: But it’s not Bull S#$T that you almost let me die on Malaysia Week. (An outdoor trip we chaperoned, while teaching in Malaysia, at least 15 years ago) There I was, pinned under my kayak, against a rock, bubbles leaking out of my nose, looking up at you, my life slowly but surely ending as I mouthed the words, “Raaaaaahhhhhbbbbbeeeee!!!! Raaaaaahhhhhbbbbbeeeeee!!!!” And you sat in your kayak looking at me. Doing nothing.

Robbie: I was waiting for the right time.

John: Time? Is that like how you were waiting for the right time to feed us supper? Jesus, I’ve never eaten so late in my life. Toni, thank God you cooked supper tonight. Last night I didn’t get fed until after 9:00. I gnawed the skin off my knuckles. Look.

Robbie: Toni, the Sox were on. I put out cheese and crackers. Ungrateful Bastards.

John: But not like Toni does. Toni’s cheese plates always have grapes. Shelley, did you bring the toaster in from the fifth wheel? I’d like toast before we head to New York. You know Robbie won’t be feeding us our breakfast.

Robbie: That’s because I’ll be in the Chapel by 8:00.

Shelley and John: Burning. Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Robbie: Why are you two laughing? I’ve been to church these last few weeks more than you heathens have ever been.

Shelley: While you’re in church, I’ll be on my way to New York. Here’s a list of things I want to see: Central Park, The Empire State, Jay Z, Beyonce, Michael J. Fox, the Statue of Liberty…

Robbie: Don’t bother getting off the boat to see the Statue of Liberty. It’s closed. Besides, this is all you would see anyway.

Shelley: Awwww Robbie, you just burst my bubble.

John: That’s what he does Toni. Bursts our bubbles.

Robbie: Oh my God! I’m going to bed. Good night. Remember Smiths what Mark Twain said, “After three days fish and company start to smell.”

Shelley and John: That was Benjamin Franklin. And what he actually said was,

“Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.”

Shelley, John and Robbie: TONI!!!!

Shelley and John