Subway Attendant: Of course I can help you. Fullerton Station? For a cruise around the harbour? Nice. Nice. Trains 1, 2 or 3 will work for you. But, if you take 1, then you need to switch to 2 or 3 at Chamber’s Street. One way or return? Return to Central Park? No. No. Not a problem. Let’s see. $9 should do it. I’ll show you how to work the ticket machine. Select 2 passengers. Select $9. Now here’s the thing, you’re going to be charged $1 in addition to the ticket. No one knows why. I hear you. I feel the same way. What’s this world coming to, hey? How’re you going to pay, cash or charge? Cash? Ah, one more thing, it doesn’t give the correct change for a $20. But if you go to that concession stand over there and buy something, you’ll have a $10 bill. Yep, Visa works. There you go. Go through those turn styles. One of you goes first, then pass the ticket back. Head up those stairs to Platform B. Oh, and one more thing. When you swipe your ticket, don’t swing like a golfer. Or like you’re chopping food with a cleaver.
Swipe it like you’re mad at your husband, but not too mad. Slow and steady. With control. You want him to know you mean business, but you don’t want to hurt him. Ha! Ha! Enjoy.
Oh and one more thing. I say that a lot don’t I? Please tell your friends, your relatives, what the heck, strangers, that New York is not the scary place shows and movies have made it out to be. We’ve worked hard to make our city be as clean, safe and friendly as possible.
Shelley and John