John: I have something I want to share with you. Something very serious. Something that you might want to prepare for.
Shelley: Oh my God. What?
John: I have Acid Reflux.
Shelley: You have what?
John: Acid Reflux.
Shelley: Oh Jesus.
John: I googled my symptoms. I’ll have to undergo a dangerous life threatening operation.
Shelley: A dangerous life threatening operation?
John: Yes. It’s called a fundoplication. It involves cutting into my abdomen and wrapping the top of my stomach around my lower espophagus. You don’t even want to think about the worst case scenario.
Shelley: You’ve got to be kidding me.
John: I’m not kidding.
Shelley: You do not have Acid Reflux.
John: Oh really Doctor. What do I have?
Shelley: You have a bad case of eating too fast, which causes gas, which prevents you from sleeping.
John: I knew you would find a way to criticize how I eat.
Shelley: If you slowed down, you wouldn’t get gas. Problem solved. That will be 5 cents. Next patient, please.
John: Thanks Lucy. Why do you always make fun of me whenever I tell you that something is wrong with me?
Shelley: Because you always convince yourself that you’re on death’s door.
John: That’s not true.
Shelley: That is soooo true. Earlier tonight you announced that you had appendicitis.
John: I thought for sure I did.
Shelley: And what about the time you insisted on more heart tests?
John: I slept better having the highest qualified Heart Doctors in Japan confirm that I had an extra heartbeat, didn’t you?
Shelley: Paying seven hundred and fifty dollars for something I already knew you had for fifty-six years did not make me sleep better. In fact it gave me Acid Reflux. I still have the receipt. Makes me crazy every time I look at it.
John: You value money more than my health.
Shelley: Not true. However, speaking of money, are you certain that you have Acid Reflux?
Shelley: And there’s no other way to sort out your Acid Reflux except to undergo life threatening surgery?
Shelley: You’re absolutely, positively 100% sure?
Shelley: And you shared this with me because you wanted me to prepare for the worst case scenario?
John: Yes. Hey! What are you doing? Is that my Life Insurance form? It is. You are heartless. Cold.
Shelley: No John, I’m preparing for the worst case scenario, just like you told me to do.
Shelley and John