I’m not Mad, I’m Scared

Day 99, December 5th, 2013

The beginning of our hike on Casa Grande Mountain, Arizona

Saguaro Cactus, Casa Grande Mountain, Arizona

The top of Casa Grande Mountain, Arizona

“Shelley and John, Comox Valley, Vancouver Island, BC, Canada”

Ha! Ha! Who’d be that silly to get so close to the Cholla Jumping Cactus????

John: OK, we’re 35 minutes in. Should we turn around?

Shelley: No. It won’t be any fun back tracking on the same route. Let’s  hike down that gully, then cut back to the truck.

John: I don’t see a trail.

Shelley: We don’t need a trail. Come on. It’ll be an adventure.

John: (Mumbling, but starting down the slope) Why can’t staying on the trail be enough of an adventure?

Shelley: Whoo! Heee! It’s a bit slippery. Mind your step. Look at us. We’re going where man has never gone before. Do you hear that? That’s a firing range. Good thing I have this bright top on. Don’t want to get shot. Right? Do you see those 3 vultures? Keep flying.  No food here. Careful! Loose rocks. I wonder if we’ll finally get to see a snake. I have my orange peels. Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha! Get it? ( In an attempt to get the perfect picture of a snake, my mother has thrown orange peels at one so it would coil. Read here. ) Look at that dead cactus. Kind of creepy don’t you think?

The innards of a Jumping Cholla Cactus

There’s a perfect saguaro cactus. Take my picture. Take my picture.

Saguaro Cactus, Casa Grande Mountain, Arizona

John: Got it. Owwww! A cactus is stuck into my ankle. @#$%!! I can’t get it off. @#$%! It rolled over. It dug in further. Owwww!! Are you @#$%ING kidding me? There’s three on my elbow. @#$%!  @#$%! @#$%!

Shelley: Hold still. I’ve got my knife. OK. OK. OK. OK. OK. They’re off. All good?

What it looks like after you pull the Cholla Juming Cactus out of your arm.

John: Yes.

Shelley: You’re sure?

John: I’m fine.

Shelley: I bet we’ll laugh at this tomorrow. If we take our time and keep an eye out for those suckers, everything should be… YEEEEOUCCCCHHHHH!!!! Mother @#$%ER!!! The top of that cactus  jumped onto my finger. I hardly touched it. YEEEOOOOWWWW!! Get off me, you little son of a @#$%^!!!

The little son of a @#$%^!!!!!!!!!!!!!

John:…

Shelley: Maybe we should turn around?

John: No. We’ve almost reached the bottom. And I’m not walking through that forest of cactus needles again. Let’s go.

Self explanatory! 🙂

Shelley: Hey. Hey John. Hey! Wait up. You’re not mad at me, right? Because it’s not really my fault we went off trail. If you’re going to be mad at anyone, you should be mad at my parents.

Think about it. They raised me to ignore signs that said,

“Do not Enter” or

“No Trespassing” or

“Road is not Serviced” or

“Enter at Your Own Risk”

Those signs were like red flags to my family. Those signs were meant for everyone but us. Why I remember this one time when all 6 of us spent the entire night stuck in a marsh in our little red volskwagon station wagon. No one slept. Too hot. Too crowded. And way too many mosquitoes. All because dad drove past a “Do not enter” sign.  And this other time, on Mt. Revelstoke, dad sent me back to the house for an axe so he could hack out the tree trunk the car was bottomed out on. He even timed me. Said I was the fastest runner out of all four of us kids.

This very road. I’ve been saving this picture since August.

And this other time…

John: Stop. I’ve heard enough. I’m not mad. I’m scared.

Shelley: What? Why?

John: In less than a week, we’ll be meeting up with your parents.

All is forgiven.

Shelley and John

And John’s favourite podcast, five live Football Daily, so he can follow his beloved Manchester United team.