Shelley joins the check out line with her Christmas presents. Six people are in front of Shelley. Shelley is OK with that because after 107 days on the road, she has made it to Carlsbad, California; warmth, sunshine, Christmas around the corner. Besides, how long can it take to move six people? John says he’s off to search one more store for Matt’s present.
Shelley has not moved, but Shelley is OK with not moving, as she is happily distracted thinking about how awesome Ash and Andrew’s Time Share in Carlsbad will be over Christmas. (The Mullens’ wedding present to them)
Shelley has not moved, but Shelley is OK with not moving, as she is fully engrossed in trash.
Shelley has not moved, but Shelley is OK with not moving, as she has discovered some cute stocking stuffers on the shelves.
Shelley has not moved, but Shelley is OK with not moving, as she is thankful she does not have to deal with the crazy ass customer who is demanding the clerk pick up the change from the counter and place it in the palm of her hand or she is not leaving.
Shelley has not moved. Shelley is no longer OK with not moving, as she has had enough of the little girl behind her spraying assorted perfume bottles on her, then throwing them to the floor.
Shelley has still not moved. Shelley has had enough. If the mother doesn’t sort out her hair pulling daughters, Shelley will.
Shelley is at the front of the line. Shelley is more than OK. Shelley is ecstatic. Shelley will be home in less than ten minutes and… A little old lady lady marches past one, two, three… twenty people to the front of the line. She stands beside Shelley. She looks Shelley up and down. She confronts Shelley with,
“I didn’t know that there was a double line up.”
as if it were Shelley, not her, who barged past everyone.
Before Shelley can respond, the little old lady assumes a sprinter’s stance; feet shoulder width apart, 2/3rds of her weight on the front leg, power foot placed up to the starting line but not on it, knees slightly bent, torso leaning forward, arms cocked to 90 degrees, head up, eyes on the prize.
“Next customer, please.”
Shelley is at the front of the line.
Shelley. Is. Not. OK.
Shelley wants to yell,
“Hey! That little old lady just cut line. I was next. Then these people. Not her. I’ve patiently waited for twenty-five minutes. She needs to wait twenty-five minutes. Send her to the back or I will!!!!! Right everyone??? Who’s with me? On three. One. Two. Three. Arrarrrghhhhroaarrrrrrrr!!!!”
But Shelley says nothing because Shelley is in the home stretch and Shelley’s not going to blow it with less than two weeks to go.
Shelley and John
Trash Magazines: Cheatymonkey.com
Stocking stuffers: www.lucismorsels.com
Crazy Ass Woman: blog.securestate.com