Setting: Shelley and her mom are sitting at the nail drying table making small talk to a very conservative middle aged lady they have never ever laid eyes on.
Mom: The other day I saw this woman on TV with nails this long.
Conservative lady sitting next to my mom: My goodness. I don’t know how you can do anything with nails that long. Imagine if you tried to put in your contacts.
Mom: Imagine if you tried to wipe your ass with nails that long. You’d be cleaning out your nasal cavity.
Conservative lady sitting next to my mom:…
Conservative lady sitting next to my mom: Looks like my nails are dry. Was very nice talking to you. Enjoy your holidays. Bye now.
Mom and Shelley: You too. Bye. Take care.
Shelley: Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha! Oh Jesus mom. Of all the things you could have said, you had to go with,
“Imagine if you had to wipe your ass?”
Mom: Why not? That was definitely funnier than,
“Imagine if you tried to put in your contacts.”
Shelley and John
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