Now that John and I are back on the road, mealtimes are just not the same without my parents…
Dad: I need to take down the upstairs fan. Has anyone seen my screwdriver?
Mom: I’m going to make chicken soup out of the left over chicken bones.
Shelley: You mean out of the left over chicken.
Dad: I said, “Has anyone seen my screwdriver?”
Mom: No. I mean out of the left over chicken bones from everyones’ plates.
Shelley: That’s not going to happen.
Dad: Is anyone listening to me?
John: Where did you see it last?
Mom: Why not?
Shelley: Mom, I am not eating soup made from the chicken bones we’ve been chewing on.
Dad: Where did I see it last? If I knew where I saw it last, I wouldn’t be asking where it was.
Shelley: I think I saw it on the kitchen counter? Did you check the kitchen counter?
Mom: But there’s so much goodness in those bones.
Shelley: Still a “No.”
Dad: Did I check the kitchen counter? Yes. I just checked the kitchen counter. It’s not there. If it was there I wouldn’t be asking.
John: What about the shelf in the hallway?
Mom: Since when did you turn into such a picky eater?
Shelley: What? I’m not a…
Dad: Not there.
John: Upstairs by the fan?
Dad: Definitely not there.
John: Upstairs bedroom?
Dad: Why would I take it into the upstairs bedroom? I don’t need a screw driver in the upstairs bedroom.
John: Let me help you look.
Mom: Oh for God’s sake!
John, finish your supper.
Shelley, relax. Use your fingers. You’ve made such a fuss that I decided not to make soup out of the bones.
Roy, its in the upstairs bathroom, exactly where you left it.
Dad: Val, I did not leave it in the upstairs bathroom. There is no way it’s in the upstairs bathroom.
Everyone: Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Dad: Why does everyone pick on the little guy?
It’s been three days and I already miss them. As a friend of my brother, Shenley, once said,
“Your parents are fun. Your parents are crazy.”
Shelley and John