Present day…
John: Shelley, this very nice store clerk has found us the perfect GPS to replace Tatiana. The best part is it’s less than $100.
Shelley: An excellent start. And…
John: It’s a Tom Tom, so we’re already familiar with how it works.
Shelley: True. And…
John: It has maps for Canada, the US and Mexico.
Shelley: Really? For less than $100? Let me take a look at the box. I see the US, Caymen Islands, and Puerto Rico. But no Canada and no Mexico. I am not going to Mexico without a GPS system. What else do you have?
Store Clerk: I know it doesn’t list Canada and Mexico, but last fall, I bought the exact same GPS system and drove through Canada without a problem.
Shelley: You accessed Canadian maps?
Store Clerk: Yes.
Shelley: What about free map updates for life?
Store Clerk: No.
Shelley: No?
Store Clerk: But not a big deal. Since this was manufactured in 2013, it’s already updated. Besides, why do you need automatic updates?
Shelley: So we know where we’re going?
Store Clerk: Not necessary.
Shelley: What in the world are you talking about?
Store Clerk: Think about it. There you are, driving down the road, the GPS instructs you to turn right, but you see that there isn’t a road. Common sense dictates that you don’t turn right, you continue straight, your GPS recalibrates and you follow an alternate route.
Shelley: What if we’re lost in the middle of a city? Or in the middle of Minnesota, like last fall? That almost cost us our marriage.
Store Clerk: Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha! You’re exaggerating, right?
Last fall…
John: Jesus Christ Shelley! I’m tired. We’ve been driving for over 11 hours. Where’s the campsite?
Shelley: I have no idea.
John: You’re the navigator but you have no idea?
Shelley: Actually Tatiana, (Our Tom Tom) a useless piece of S#$T, is the navigator.
John: Shelley! We’ve had this discussion before. Tatiana doesn’t like it when you talk to her like that.
Shelley: You’re right. We have had this discussion before and I say that Tatiana is not human. What Tatiana is, is
“Crap.”
John: Oh that’s just great. We’re driving around the “The Children of the Corn” set,
at night, in the rain, on a muddy dead end road and you, you decide to swear at Tatiana, our only hope. Great. At this rate, we’re never going to see Beth and Craig before their baby is born.
Shelley: Of course we are. Keep driving straight. You don’t know it’s a dead end. Jesus!
John: Trust me. It’s a dead end. There’s no more road.
Shelley: Fine. Now what?
John: You’re going to have to get out and help me back up.
Shelley: Onto to the freeway? That’s not safe. Besides it’s raining cats and dogs. You get out.
John: I’m driving. You get out.
Shelley: It’s my turn to drive. You’ve driven for hours. It’s not fair for you to drive any further.
John: Jesus Christ! Shelley! Get out and direct me.
Shelley: Fine. But for the record, I said we should have asked someone to help us in the last town. This is basically your fault.
John: My fault? MY FAULT???? Anything else you’d like to get off your chest?
Shelley: I’m not sure if this is the time or the place, but since you asked…
Present day…
Shelley: No.
Dear readers,
At this point, you are assuming that we bought the next model up for $187. But, no, no, not us Smiths. No sirree. We bought the original Tom Tom the clerk showed us.
“Why?” you ask?
I can’t really explain why. Maybe, we somehow knew that in the next few days we would have to:
replace 2 RV tires for $300 plus tax
buy a new Verizon biscuit for $200 plus tax, as the warranty expired in November,
pay $432 for Truck and RV insurance for Mexico
Whatever the reason, we did. And guess what?
Surprise!
Wait for it!
There were no Canadian or Mexican maps to be found.
Add $187 plus tax to the bill.
Shelley and John
Explosion – Parumph Museum
Invasion of the Smiths. Brilliant.
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So glad you are sorting this all out before we arrive b/c I don’t want to be accused of blowing your budget!! Plus, I don’t want to be lost in the AZ desert!!
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God, visions of us leaning agains the Saguaro cactus, dehydrated come to mind. But can you dehydrate from wine???
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Well, I, for one, am glad that you salvaged your marriage. 🙂
I truly don’t understand why all GPSs don’t come with lifetime map updates and all the necessary maps for at least a region or area where it is purchased. Maybe they should put me in charge of GPS marketing…
Sorry about the RV tires, ugh!
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I sooo agree that all GPS’s should come with life time updates. To update Tatiana, it would have cost us around 85 dollars. You just can’t win!! The tire? I was willing to keep driving. Guess who’s in charge of the accounts. Blah! 🙂
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🙂 Also, re: the below comments, I believe you may be becoming proficient in Spanglish. And that is a good thing…
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Right? Si? Muey gusto. Will have to act it out.
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Gracias. Senora Linda. Espanol gusta. Si?
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Haha, I love your accent! 😀
And I forgot to mention, your parents are coming along to Mexico, I can’t wait!!!!
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Gracias! Boy I think I’m almost there. Made dinner for my parents tonight… Too funny. We cross over tomorrow. OMG!
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Good luck and I can’t wait to hear the stories from south of the border! 🙂
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Thanks Linda. We passed a group of 20 bikers on the Mexican side. They were having a blast.
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Ay, Dios mio. Mucho dinero down the draino! No me gusta. 😦
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Honestly I got most of that! Could be that some was in english. Now to look up the last bit… 🙂 No. Also do not like. Right? Si?
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LMAO! I wish I was going to be along for the Mexican adventure, I can already tell they’ll be some good stories from the trip! Take good care of your folks, & Tatiana #2!
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With my parents along, should have plenty of material. 🙂 Dang. I forgot to introduce “Priscilla Queen of the Desert.”
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Ah, the GPS. I had a Garmin and always thought the lady sounded angry and put upon. I changed it to the British Male …. oh, what was his name? Anyway, he was much nicer.
Well, I didn’t update it for years and, like you experienced, it took me down roads that went no where and it sometimes couldn’t find certain addresses because they were too new. Now, I just use my phone, but that’s not perfect either.
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Uggg. The thought of ending up lost in Mexico is mind boggling. Hopefully this new one won’t let us down… Stay tuned!! :
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Holy hell, I always look forward to your next post. You give me a laugh *just* when I need it. Please don’t get lost in Mexico.
The photo of you with your friends Beth and Craig (and baby bump) from last fall, with the American and Norwegian flags in the background. As an American living in Norway, I gotta ask: Coincidence? If not, what’s the story?
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Thanks! Polar Vortexing??? The flag was for you of course, and am thinking that Beth’s family are from Norway. I’ll have to ask them. Thanks for reading. Stay warm. We are going down with my parents. Oh the stories. 🙂
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This is so funny and sounds just like conversations between my husband and me! I’m so glad my phone now has a GPS on it. Just what I need…one more voice telling me where to go!
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Ha! Ha! Thanks. Then you know that I didn’t even have to exaggerate on this one! Money and sex are not the downfall of marriages. It’s travel. 🙂
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I have a textbook Spanish for law enforcement in my office. There are a few pages I need to send you before you go into Mexico. What is an email address I can send it to?
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Oh boy! Send to my Gmail. We leave tomorrow morning. Thanks!!
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