Ak Ak Ak

 Puerto Penasco, Mexicobron

“Seattle Seahawks poncho? $65. Denver Broncos? $1
IMG_3111“Cigars? Want to buy some cigars? You don’t smoke? Well today’s the day to start.”IMG_3135“Are you looking for me? You found me. For movie stars, half price.”

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Dad, mom, John and I enjoying the sunset at Malacon, Puerto Penasco, Mexico

Mom: Are you going to get a foot massage on the beach tomorrow?

Shelley: No need. I’ve got my personal masseuse, John. He’s amazing.

John: Why thank you.

Shelley: Welcome.

Mom: Do you ever give John foot massages?

Shelley: Euhhhhhh. God no. That’s gross.

Mom: Gross?

Shelley: Gross. Running your hands over calloused, corned, sweaty, stinky hairy feet that may or may not be clean? Getting your fingers stuck in toe jam? Blechhh!!!!

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Right???

Mom: That’s ridiculous. John gives you foot massages all of the time.

Shelley: That’s because John derives incredible satisfaction out of giving me foot massages. I wouldn’t. Trust me on that.

Mom: I give your father foot massages.

Shelley: That’s very nice of you.

Mom: Would you give me a pedicure and a foot massage when I get so old I can’t do my own?

Shelley: Probably not. But I’d hire the best people in the world for you. Money would not be an object.

Mom: But I don’t want those people to take care of my feet, I want you to.

Shelley: Ak. Ak. Ak. I’m really sorry, but I can’t.

Mom: What about those ladies on the beach? Maybe they don’t want to touch other peoples’ feet either. Maybe they think it’s gross too but it’s the only way they can make ends meet.

Shelley: You’re right. I haven’t thought of it that way. Maybe I’ll just give them money.

Mom: So, you’ll do my feet?

Shelley: I love you, but I’m still not going to be your personal chiropodist.

Mom: It’s important to me.

Shelley: Still a “No.”

Mom: You’re being unreasonable.

Shelley: Mom, I’m sorry this is so important to you, but I can’t. Tell you what, I’ll make you a deal. When you get to the point where I need to wipe the dribble off the side of your mouth, I’ll do it. Wait. Ak. Ak. Ak. I can’t do that either. Not for you. Not for John.

Mom: Did you hear that, John? When you get older, Shelley won’t wipe the side of your mouth. What do you think of that?

John: It’s OK. I’ll have Helga, the Swedish nurse, by then.

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Helga, according to John

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Helga, according to Shelley

Shelley: All settled then?

Mom: I just don’t see…

Shelley: Mom, I love you. If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t insist that tomorrow John and I accompany you from Puerto Penasco to the Mexico- US border and then turn around and come back to Puerto Penasco.

Mom: We don’t need you to babysit us.

Shelley: It’s not babysitting. I want to make sure nothing happens to both of you. That’s what children do who love their parents.

Mom: What about my feet?

Shelley: Look. Spencer’s (My youngest brother) coming to visit you in a few days, he’d love to handle your feet.

spencer

Spencer, a few days later, after hearing what he’d love to do:..

Ha! Ha! I kid. I have no idea what he’s thinking.

Also, if my mom really really wants me to rub her feet, I’d do it. After all she might have changed a few of my poopy diapers at some point.

Dec. 19 - Feb. 17th, 2014Day 176, Feb. 17th, 2014

John’s nurse: www.adweek.com
Shelley and John

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25 thoughts on “Ak Ak Ak

  1. Oh my goodness!! You’re my long-lost Canadian twin. I CAN NOT handle feet. Just yesterday I got a text message from a friend and when I opened it up…..I’m gagging just thinking about it……there was a picture of her husband’s bruised, hairy toe with the words, “Does this look broken to you?” OH MY GOD!!!!! Please, I need warning before I innocently look at my phone and find THAT!!! Now my MIL has made me promise that when she’s too old to handle it I have to inspect her for chin hair — that I can handle. I’ll even happily tweeze it for her. Well, now that I think about it, this depends on how frequently those little suckers erupt. I might should hire that out regularly and just keep the random ones contained between the professional waxings. Thanks for the laughs!

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    • We are definitely related. And as we’re related, I promise not to send you texts with pics of toes. Ak. Ak. Ak. As for the hairs, wish mom had asked me to do that. Not a problem. But then again… I kid. Sort of. I’m liking the professional waxings. Thanks for the tip. 🙂

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  2. I’m with on the feet thing. Uggg.

    When I was in school I worked for a short while as a nurse’s aid in a convalescent home. I was on the floor with the oldest, sickest, most non ambulatory patients, sadly (or thankfully depending on how you look at it) this was the last stop for them.

    Anyhoooo, one day while changing the sheets of a patient who was just waiting to be called up to the majors I found a toe. Yes, a toe. In. The. Bed. I wasn’t quite sure what it was at first, as it looked sort of like an un-shelled Brazil Nut. But when I realized what it was it was certainly an Ak Ak Ak moment! To this day I still don’t like feet… or Brazil nuts. LoL

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  3. The title of your blog post made me instantly thinking of the Martians in the movie Mars Attacks.

    Feet are funny things. I don’t mind them, but I drew the short straw the day they were handing out beautiful specimen. Mind you they’re looking relatively, erm, handsome at the moment thanks to a pedicure last week (my first ever I think?) thanks to a spa voucher for Xmas from my boss. Kudos to the beauty therapist.

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    • I know, I love pedicures too. Wasn’t it wonderful? Bottom line, if mom really really wants me to rub her feet, of course I’ll do it. After all she did change my diapers once or twice. 🙂

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  4. Haha, funny as always. I don’t mind rubbing my husband’s feet, and he does mine as well. But when it comes to Mom, I am with you: “But I’d hire the best people in the world for you. Money would not be an object.”

    I do, in fact, hire a nail person to take care of both her hands and feet. And when it comes to mine, a pedicure is a wonderful thing. I try to do it at least once a month.

    Love the versions of Helga! 😀

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    • Thanks Curvy for the support. John’s mom has a lovely person who visits her home. Win. Win. Cindi pointed out that Helge is in fact the male version. Must go look up those pics. 🙂 BTW Organ Pipe National Monument only accepted rigs up to 40 feet.

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      • Ah yes, Mom’s nail person comes to her assisted living room as well. It is perfect, because getting her out and about it more of an issue now.

        Good point on some parks only accepting a certain length. I remember even many years ago when we rented an RV that Glacier only accepted up to 21 feet for Going to the Sun road. So did you have to leave your 5th wheel outside or did you squeak in?

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      • We got in, but I think because we could unhook. The nice thing for us and for you with your bikes, you can set up and then go explore not having to worry about packing everything up. Also, the scenic loop road was a little rough for even small c classes. The wah- bams would have knocked the cupboards open etc.

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      • Exactly! We will plan to do big loops on the bikes from a central campground, so we don’t have to move the RV that often. “wah- bams” now that is a new one on me. Is that a speed bump or pothole, or some other thing I have never heard of? 😉

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      • Speed bumps, potholes, unexpected whipping of the back of the RV. After those you are very very careful to open your fridge and cupboards unless they’ve already blown out!

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  5. Fun stuff as always. Regret that I don’t always have time to comment! I love the best on this one, the bare feet were amusing and the couples with beautiful sunset in the background! Lovely way to celebrate and enjoy friends! Robin

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