John and the Terrible, Horrible, no Good, Very bad Day – A Parody

Last night I snuggled under a mountain of covers, just the way I liked it. But when I woke up, the covers were on the floor and I was freezing. Shelley said all those covers gave her hot flashes. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Even so, I jumped out of bed to make bagels, but they were soggy and mushy. Shelley ate almost an entire bagel, but I knew she was just trying to be nice.

I wanted to print a letter for my mother, but the printer wouldn’t work, no matter what.

Shelley connected the printer to her computer and the letter came out perfectly. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I think I’ll head back to Vancouver Island.

And then the cold water would barely flow,

so I decided I would fix the filter, but when I tested it, water sprayed everywhere.

I tried to tune the TV, so I could watch the Olympics, but the TV refused to be tuned.

I wanted to install the new inverter.

Shelley asked, “Did you read the instructions?”

And I replied, “Have a little faith.”

Sparks flew. Smoke appeared. It wasn’t that big of a deal. Shelley yelled at me anyway.

I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day because I had to drive all the way to town to buy a fuse for my truck. Shelley said she wanted to come with me and she wanted to drive. Shelley said if she didn’t drive, she would get car sick. I really really wanted to drive. I said, “I really really want to drive.” But Shelley pretended not to hear me.

And in the store, when I asked Shelley to hold my iPad, she accidently erased my list. I loved that list. I’m going to have to start that list all over again. Shelley said she was sorry but I was making way too big of a fuss over a stupid list. That I was being a baby.

Back at the RV park, I successfully installed the fuse, but the connector was broken, so I couldn’t listen to my favourite show, “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me.”

Shelley suggested we go fly our kite. I agreed. The kite did not fly for me. The kite flew right away for Shelley.

“I hope that kite breaks free and lands on Vancouver Island,” I cried. I was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day because nothing at all went right. Everything went wrong, right down to the gross hot springs where the gross couple kissed. Who needs gross hot springs with gross kissing couples in them anyway?

Shelley said a game of tennis would make me feel better. She said that hitting the ball would help me get rid of my anger. I lost to Shelley 8 games to 6. Shelley insisted I take a picture of her.

I told Shelley she was showing off. Shelley said I was being a poor sport. It was a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day.

Shelley says some days are like that, even on Vancouver Island.

(Thanks Treescape Gardens, Comox Valley)

Alexander and and the Terrible, Horrible, no Good, Very bad Day by Judith Viorst

Shelley and John