Shelley: What the? John, Look at that guy. Yeah. Yeah. You go, Mr. A Class.
John: Yeah, Mr. A Class. Why don’t you pass us on one of the steepest grades on Highway 5, Mr. A Class?
Shelley: Whooooshhhhh! What was that, Mr. A Class? That’s your gas needle sinking like the Titanic, Mr. A Class.
Shelley and John: Mr. Aaaaaaaa Classsssssssss!
Shelley: Sigh. I wish we could afford to drive as fast as Mr. A Class. You?
Shelley: Thanks for returning my running shoes. You were so patient. Love you.
John: Think nothing of it. What husband wouldn’t be patient as his wife tries on half the store’s inventory, then proceedes to buy and return three pairs of shoes in less than twenty-four hours?
Shelley: I sure do. Don’t you want to take a picture of those cows?
John: Not really.
Shelley: If I wasn’t driving, I would take a picture of those cows.
John: Shelley, if you want me to take a picture of the cows, ask me to take a picture of the cows. Don’t pretend to ask for my opinion.
Shelley: Fine. Please take a picture of the cows and while you’re at it, let’s complete the crossword puzzle.
John: Make up your mind. You ask me to do one thing, then seconds later, you ask me to do something else. I can’t do two things at once.
Shelley: Why not?
John: Why not? Because it’s impossible to take a picture of cows and read clues from the crossword puzzle.
Shelley: I can do two things at once with my eyes closed.
John: I don’t think so.
Shelley: I know so. For example, while I was playing Candy Crush, which by the way, I’m now on level 77, you asked me to take a picture of the Smith Summit sign and I did.
John: It’s a terrible picture. It’s blurry.
Shelley: No. It’s perfect. I purposely snapped it out of focus. It’s called art.
John: Shelley, you know the rules, when you see hay, you have to say, “Hay.”
And when you see a vehicle with one head light, you have to say “Pididdle” and then kiss someone.
Shelley: But I’m driving in the middle of Seattle traffic. Seattle drivers are the worst drivers in the US.
John: Shelley. Pididdle.
Shelley: I give up. Here’s my arm.
Shelley: John, I refuse to stop wearing my sandals no matter how cold it is. However, I cheated a little. Look. Ha! Ha! Take a picture of me wearing socks with my sandals. Take a picture. It’s funny.
John: In the middle of this traffic? I thought Seattle has the worst drivers ever?
Shelley: If you don’t take it now, I’ll forget. Menopause, John. Full fledged menopause. And just a heads up, haven’t taken the crazy pills today.
Shelley: Speaking of menopause, I dreamt I was pregnant last night.
Shelley: And unlike you, I was,
“Well, there you go, then.”
which is an odd reaction, because when you think about it, a fifty-three year old woman, who is five years into menopause, can hardly be pregnant. Which, by the way, you should be thankful for, as even though it was cold last night, my hot flashes kept us both warm. You’re welcome.
Shelley: How about a little music.
Lorde sings “Team.” Click here to watch and listen.
Shelley: I can’t understand one word. Can you?
John: Blah blah blah I live in a cave. Blah blah blah throw my arms up in the air. Blah blah blah don’t care.
Shelley:Thank you for clarifying.
Lorde finishes. Farell Williams begins singing “Happy”
You can listen to the song too by clicking Pharrell Williams – Happy
John: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so sick of that song.
Shelley: That song makes me happy. Anyway, I’m the driver, and the driver gets the say. And I say, ” ‘Happy’ goes back on.”
John: Jesus Christ, Shelley! We’ve heard that song 93 million times in the last three days.
Shelley: Who are you, my mother?
John: I am not exaggerating.
Shelley: You sure are!
John: I. AM. NOT!
Shelley: It’s a happy song for God’s sake. It’s supposed to make you happy. If this song doesn’t make you happy, you need to think happy thoughts. Like me. I wasn’t feeling happy because I don’t want our trip to end, but then I thought happy thoughts such as we get to see Andrew and Ash,
and my brother, Shenley, and his family, and my sister, Shannon, and her family, I get to have a bath in my jetted bathtub. You need to think happy thoughts too, because if you are not happy, what is the point?
John: I’m sorry. I’m really tired. I didn’t get much sleep last night. There, I’m happy now.
Shelley: You’re sure you’re happy?
Shelley: Because a nap would make all the difference.
John: No. No. It wouldn’t be fair if I napped while you drove. Yawnnnn.
Shelley: You’re yawning. Listen, don’t worry about me. I’ll turn the radio on nice and low. It won’t bother you at all. It will make me happy. It will make you happy. I insist.
John: Fine. Wake me in thirty minutes. Click.
Pharrell Willams: Happy! Happy!
Day 230, April 12, 2014