After, two hundred and thirty-one days, twenty-six thousand kilometres, four provinces, twenty-seven US States, three countries (For a look at the interactive map click here) and approximately eighty bottles of red wine, give or take a few,
and a ferry ride,
we are back home in the Comox Valley. That means we are back on the hunt for new friends. First stop, the climbing gym.
Shelley: Nice job.
19 year old Apple (Not her real name): (Turns to look at Shelley)………
Shelley: You almost had it.
Shelley: I couldn’t have made it as far as you did. No sir… Not at all…
Shelley: Bet you get it next time.
Apple:……….. (Turns to her mommy) Mommy, I really want to make this climb before daddy gets here. Can I try again?
Shelley: (Whispers) Too eager?
John: (Whispers) No. No. You’re doing good. Keep trying.
Mommy: Of course, but have some lunch first. I brought homemade samosas. All vegetable. Gluten free, of course.
Three Year Old Son, Ziggy (Not his real name): Mommy, can I have some fruit?
Mommy: You sure can, but only if you promise to eat the peanut butter sandwich afterwards. Remember how we made the bread from scratch? How we never eat processed food?
Ziggy: We don’t?
Mommy: Yes, and the peanut butter. No salt. No extra oils. All natural. The way nature intended us to eat.
Ziggy: Is a banana OK?
Mommy: Yes, here’s your organic banana.
Shelley: Wow! That’s quite a banana. Do you like bananas?
Ziggy: Yep. They’re my favourite. Whoops. I broke it in half.
Shelley: Maybe you can use magic to put it back together again. Abra…?
Shelley: Did it work?
Mommy: We can make homemade banana ice-cream later. That’s the only ice-cream we eat right, Ziggy?
Ziggy: It is?
Shelley: You make your own banana ice-cream? Wow, you’re pretty talented.
Mommy: (Finally turns towards Shelley) It’s very easy. Take the bananas, throw them in the blender. You wouldn’t believe how healthy they are for you. No added sugar or any additives.
Shelley: I think we may have made those before, but I’ll pass it on to the cook. Cook, did you get that? Ha! Ha! Ha!
John: Sure did. Ha! Ha! Ha!
Shelley, John and Ziggy: Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Mommy:…………… Apple, did you finish writing up your book report on the finance book your dad gave you?
Shelley: (Whispers) There’s no point.
John: (Whispers) Come on, Shelley. Smiths don’t quit.
Apple: Not yet. I’m having trouble understanding everything.
Mommy: It’s ridiculous that schools don’t teach anything about investing. Apple, I know you think you don’t need to worry about your future right now because you’re so young, but it’s important.
Shelley: It sure is. Especially if you don’t have a pension. Like us. We taught overseas for quite a few years.
Apple and Mommy:…..
Shelley: Mostly in South East Asia, that is. Which means we don’t have a guaranteed pension.
Apple and Mommy:……
Shelley: So…. that’s why it’s uh important to uh understand finances. Uh. Yes.
Apple and Mommy:….
Shelley: Sigh. John, want to climb some more?
John: Why not?
Shelley: ( Whispers) John, I’m trying so hard to be friendly.
John: (Whispers) I know you are.
Shelley: (Whispers) I thought for sure climbing would be the one activity where we’d make friends.
John: (Whispers) I know.
Ziggy: Daddy’s here! Mommy, can I climb?
Mommy: Not without your harness.
Shelley: (Whispers) The one mommy wove from the grass she cut, with her homemade scythe, from her very own backyard?
John: (Whispers) Shelley, that’s not nice.
Shelley: (Whispers) OK. OK. Sorry. I’ll stop. Do you want to climb this route?
John: You go ahead.
Ziggy: Daddy! Are you going to climb the upside down one?
Daddy: You bet, but first I need to warm up on an easier route before I climb the overhang. Belay me?
Shelley: (Whispers) What the F@#k? He just took our route.
Shelley: (Starts taking off her gear, sort of whispers) We’re so out of here. I’m done trying to be friendly.
The little guy is the only one who gave me the time of day. Looks like my family is stuck hanging out with us for the next six months.
Shelley and John
Sadly, this is not our first post detailing our disastrous attempts to make friends in the Comox Valley. Here are a few more!
|How to Make Friends in the Comox Valley Part 1 Car Dealerships, the Dentist, Comox Paddling Club|
|How to Make Friends in The Comox Valley Part 3 – Out with Zumba and In With Rugby|
|Who Needs new Friends?|
Also, I believe I saw a similar T-shirt on the home page of Aussa Lorens’ “HACKER, NINJA, HOOKER, SPY” blog. If you like reading about a modern day Calamity Jane with super espionage powers, check out her site here.