Be Nice to me or I’ll Blog About You

 

April 13th, 2014, Duke Point Ferry Terminal, BC Canada, the last day I saw the sun. Almost kidding.

April 13th, 2014, Duke Point Ferry Terminal, BC Canada, the last day I saw the sun. Almost kidding.

Heading north to Comox Valley

Heading north to Comox Valley

After, two hundred and thirty-one days, twenty-six thousand kilometres, four provinces, twenty-seven US States, three countries (For a look at the interactive map click here) and approximately eighty bottles of red wine, give or take a few,

april 22

and a ferry ride,

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we are back home in the Comox Valley. That means we are back on the hunt for new friends. First stop, the climbing gym.

gym

Shelley: Nice job.

19 year old Apple (Not her real name): (Turns to look at Shelley)………

Shelley: You almost had it.

Apple:..

Shelley: I couldn’t have made it as far as you did. No sir… Not at all…

Apple:…Thanks….

Shelley: Bet you get it next time.

Apple:……….. (Turns to her mommy) Mommy, I really want to make this climb before daddy gets here. Can I try again?

Shelley: (Whispers) Too eager?

John: (Whispers) No. No. You’re doing good. Keep trying.

Mommy: Of course, but have some lunch first. I brought homemade samosas. All vegetable. Gluten free, of course.

Three Year Old Son, Ziggy (Not his real name): Mommy, can I have some fruit?

Mommy: You sure can, but only if you promise to eat the peanut butter sandwich afterwards. Remember how we made the bread from scratch? How we never eat processed food?

Ziggy: We don’t?

Mommy: Yes, and the peanut butter. No salt. No extra oils. All natural. The way nature intended us to eat.

Ziggy: Is a banana OK?

Mommy: Yes, here’s your organic banana.

Shelley: Wow! That’s quite a banana. Do you like bananas?

Ziggy: Yep. They’re my favourite. Whoops. I broke it in half.

Shelley: Maybe you can use magic to put it back together again. Abra…?

Ziggy: Cadabra!

Shelley: Did it work?

Ziggy: No.

Mommy: We can make homemade banana ice-cream later. That’s the only ice-cream we eat right, Ziggy?

Ziggy: It is?

Shelley: You make your own banana ice-cream? Wow, you’re pretty talented.

Mommy: (Finally turns towards Shelley) It’s very easy. Take the bananas, throw them in the blender. You wouldn’t believe how healthy they are for you. No added sugar or any additives.

Shelley: I think we may have made those before, but I’ll pass it on to the cook. Cook, did you get that? Ha! Ha! Ha!

John: Sure did. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Shelley, John and Ziggy: Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Mommy:…………… Apple, did you finish writing up your book report on the finance book your dad gave you?

Shelley: (Whispers) There’s no point.

John: (Whispers) Come on, Shelley. Smiths don’t quit.

Apple: Not yet. I’m having trouble understanding everything.

Mommy: It’s ridiculous that schools don’t teach anything about investing. Apple, I know you think you don’t need to worry about your future right now because you’re so young, but it’s important.

Shelley: It sure is. Especially if you don’t have a pension. Like us. We taught overseas for quite a few years.

Apple and Mommy:…..

Shelley: Mostly in South East Asia, that is. Which means we don’t have a guaranteed pension.

Apple and Mommy:……

Shelley: So…. that’s why it’s uh important to uh understand finances. Uh. Yes.

Apple and Mommy:….

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Shelley: Sigh. John, want to climb some more?

John: Why not?

Shelley: ( Whispers) John, I’m trying so hard to be friendly.

John: (Whispers) I know you are.

Shelley: (Whispers) I thought for sure climbing would be the one activity where we’d make friends.

John: (Whispers) I know.

Ziggy: Daddy’s here! Mommy, can I climb?

Mommy: Not without your harness.

Shelley: (Whispers) The one mommy wove from the grass she cut, with her homemade scythe, from her very own backyard?

John: (Whispers) Shelley, that’s not nice.

Shelley: (Whispers) OK. OK. Sorry. I’ll stop. Do you want to climb this route?

John: You go ahead.

Ziggy: Daddy! Are you going to climb the upside down one?

Daddy: You bet, but first I need to warm up on an easier route before I climb the overhang. Belay me?

Shelley: (Whispers) What the F@#k? He just took our route.

John: Shelley!

Shelley: (Starts taking off her gear, sort of whispers) We’re so out of here. I’m done trying to be friendly.

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The little guy is the only one who gave me the time of day. Looks like my family is stuck hanging out with us for the next six months.

Fotor0421142029 PS: I may or may not have exaggerated how rude those people were and, to be fair, I probably should have warned them to

 

be

Shelley and John

Sadly, this is not our first post detailing our disastrous attempts to make friends in the Comox Valley. Here are a few more!

How to Make Friends in the Comox Valley Part 1 Car Dealerships, the Dentist, Comox Paddling Club

How to Make Friends in the Comox Valley Part 2 – Take a Zumba Class

How to Make Friends in The Comox Valley Part 3 – Out with Zumba and In With Rugby
Who Needs new Friends?

Also, I believe I saw a similar T-shirt on the home page of Aussa Lorens’  “HACKER, NINJA, HOOKER, SPY”  blog. If you like reading about a modern day Calamity Jane with super espionage powers, check out her site  here.

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52 thoughts on “Be Nice to me or I’ll Blog About You

  1. There no place like home. That is what they say so I am assuming you are happy to be home. It looks like you also have a beautiful; family with the Easter look. Have a great day. Jim

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    • Am going to add, home is where the heart is. My family is great, but I think they are exhausted by the time we leave in the Fall. 🙂 Thanks for dropping by! Hope Texas has finally warmed up!

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  2. I think Rob better be careful or he will be in a blog AND we better start thinking about plans/destination for our rendezvous next spring . Always gotta have a goal, ya know….

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  3. Ugh!!! Those people. For the freaking love!!!! So annoying!! We have a “friend” who we avoid because of this sh*t. Gil bought a bread maker last year & she was asking him about it & when he told her the kind of wheat he liked to use she said, “Oh, well I only eat wheat that I buy from such and such local farmer and I ALWAYS grind it myself.” Crazy making, I tell ya! I can hardly leave the house these days. Glad you guys are home!

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    • I went to Habitat today, and one of the volunteers laughed at me. She said, the town we went to climb in is a closed community. Then she invited me to movie night. Sit down for this, this is the first outing in the valley in three years with a non-family member. Now we won’t exhaust them! What is wrong with those people? Hate having is shoved down my throat. I forgot to write about me opening a great big ass chocolate bar and munching on it. Tee hee. Am off to have a read on your blog.

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    • You are so right and we’ve already started talking about next year. Utah, and Mexico’s Baja are on the list. Don’t think we’ll make it back to the East Coast for a few years. 😦 Would love to go back to NYC for a longer time.

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    • It was amazing. I need to sit down and have a good read through of all the posts. John has made a huge picture presentation. That’s going to test my family’s patience when we make than watch it. My dad calls it singing for your supper. 🙂

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  4. YES. I saw a tank top like that in a shop that said “be nice or you’ll end up on my blog.” The only thing I could reword is “be awkward and you’ll end up on my blog.” But that’s way too inviting.

    People like that make me want to bathe in pizza grease.

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  5. Wish I lived close enough … I’ll be your friend! And I’d promise to try to be nice, but it wouldn’t even matter if you blogged about me. 🙂

    (I have chocolate for you. I admit I ate one last night. So now I have to go get more.)

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      • You’re very generous. 🙂

        Does our virtual friendship include me sitting and watching you climb (physical issues won’t let me join you), all while making snarky comments about Apple and her self-righteous mommy?

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      • Of course. Of course. And, we will take out our Dunkin’ Donuts, donuts, cheetohs, hmmmm hot dogs etc. for lunch. And, we will eat with our mouths open, and slip Ziggy some?

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  6. Oh ha ha ha! 😉 My fav line “The one mommy wove from the grass she cut, with her homemade scythe, from her very own backyard?” You don’t need friends like that! Besides, your family is way more fun…so what if you wear them out? You’ll be leaving again in the fall.

    Your plans for your next trip sound SO exciting! But, if you come back to the east coast, we could show you some awesome mountain hiking and biking areas in North GA, Eastern TN and Western NC. Before we take off in two years, that is. 😀

    PS: Love the shirt!

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    • You’re right. To heck with that family. I’m glad we left as I would either have said something very rude or pretended that I invented the word organic. True enough about my family. They’ve had half a year to train for us. 🙂 We are pretty excited about next year. Don’t think we will hit the east, but you’ll never know. Be careful, when people throw out an invite, we show up!!

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  7. Shelley!! I told you this already!!! Join the curling club!! Curling will give even John a game he can analyze…and improve his flexibility! Then you can “challenge” Tom and I! Grrrr!!!
    Oh, and the ‘after-game’ activities are awesome!!
    Love ya!!

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  8. Apple was really 19??? AY! Sounds like a horrendous experience. Stick to your family, they are a lot more normal and fun! How about Salsa Dancing classes? I bet there are fun people taking them! Or, Cha,cha,cha.

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    • Definitely fun and crazy. Am worried we will wear them down. If you have time, check out our foray into Zumba. It’s at the bottom of the post. I don’t think John is going for any more dance classes. Too funny! Maybe we should run around the house naked, singing, and entertain ourselves like you, you soon to be empty nester???

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