Kin Beach, Vancouver Island, BC, Canada
John, with our nieces, Taylor and Mia
My brother, Shenley: How’d the bathroom renos go?
John: Awful. We missed your help. Trust me, I would rather have spent the entire day at Kin Beach.
Shenley: Couldn’t have been that bad.
John: Oh it was. Trust me.
Flashback to the morning…
Bang! Bang! Bang! BANG!!!
John: Arghhhhhhh! G#$ Damn it! The nail keeps bending when I hammer it.
Shelley: John! Shhhh!! The renters are downstairs.
John: No they’re not. They’ve gone camping. In their trailer. In the sunshine. In warm weather. Not in this F@#ing bathroom that, surprise, surprise, doesn’t even have mold after all. What the F$%k was Penny Lane (Our property management company) talking about? (Assumes an authoritative voice)
“John and Shelley, we regret to inform you that there’s a mold issue in the middle bathroom of your rental. It needs to be addressed immediately.”
Whatever.
Shelley: Oh for God’s sake relax, we’re almost done.
John: (Mimicking) Oh for God’s sakes relax, we’re almost done. We’re almost done. No, you’re almost done. I, on the other hand, am not almost done because I can not get this nail to go into the quarter round.
Why?(Bang!)
Why?(Bang!)
Why (Bang!)
won’t you go in? (Bang!)
You! (Bang!)
You! (Bang!)
Noooooo! You just bent again. You! You! You son of a…
Shelley: John! The neighbour will hear us.
John: Oh, the neighbour who owns the other side of the duplex, the neighbour who said, (With a high voice),
“Excuse me, but I just wanted to share with your that the fence joining our property waves back and forth in the wind. I know something should be done about it, but I just don’t know where to start. Can you take a look at it?”
“Sure, useless as “tits on a bull” lady, I sure can take a look at it, as soon as I finish this (Bang!)
stupid (Bang!)
project (Bang!)
that (Bang!)
never (Bang!)
had (Bang!)
to (Bang!)
be (Bang!)
done (Bang!)
in (Bang!)
the (Bang!)
first (Bang!)
place. (Bang!)”
Fuuuuuuuuuccccckkkkkkkk! I can’t do this. (Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bannnnggggggggg!)
I need to find something I can do.
Shelley: There’s plenty you can do. You can cut tiles. You can put up baseboards. You can instal toilets.
John: No. Shenley installed the toilets. And the lights. And the sinks. Next time, we’re hiring someone. It’s not worth it.
IT’S (Bang!)
NOT (Bang!)
WORTH (Bang!)
IT! (Bang! Bang! BANG!!!)
Back to the present…
Shenley: Ha! Ha! Ha! I remember trying to hammer nails by hand into the quarter round. Same thing happened to me. Using the compressed air hammer gun is the only way. Why didn’t you use mine? You had it.
John: Because I couldn’t get it to compress.
Shenley: You should have called me. I have a new one in the garage. Now that thing can hammer through steel.
Shelley and John
Honey Did you See That? 
Is it OK that I kind of want to punch Shenley on John’s behalf?
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Ha! Ha! Ha! Poor John. He was crazed by the end of that. The quarter round looked like someone took after it with a sledge hammer so we had to DAP it. But that’s another story. 🙂 We never hit Shenley. He could squeeze the life out of us with one hand.
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I loved all of this, wonder how anyone has good results with renovations, bad experiences in my past… but loved the sweet photo of those nieces in bright pink with your “Honey”! Smiles, Robin
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The detail work at the end is what undoes you. The next day I went back to iron on a white strip of edging. The iron burned the new paint. The strip split… GAWDDDD!!!! My nieces gave him a little love. Just what he needed.
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Ouch. I guess it’s not as bad when it’s your own noise (or at least your own reno)… I’ve been trapped in this townhouse THREE times while neighbors make all that noise — including the sledge hammers and masonry saws. (I sooooo want to get back to the southwest!)
Okay, i’ll stop crying.
You two are just working way too hard for retired people. You’re supposed to make us jealous of all the relaxation. 🙂
Hugs!
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Ironically the compressor is only a swooshing sound. I feel for you having to listen to all that noise. I didn’t feel bad for the neighbour as she is a ding a ling. I think that people to reno’s in the south west too? 🙂 Thankfully, most of the work is done so we’re off to the lake for some fishing and camping.
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So true [re the reno’s] but there I could buy a house. 🙂
Have a great time at the lake — that’s more like it.
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I could have been in the next room listening to this exchange. You have a wonderful way of writing that brings the reader into your experiences. But really, is this what retirement is about?
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Thanks Ronnie. Here’s the thing, we honestly thought there would be mold when we pulled back the lino. By then the supplies were bought. And then it snow balled. Last winter, it cost us almost $150 on toilet repairs, so we bought new toilets… and so it goes. Off to the lake with my family today.
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Great work! Do, what about the fence!!
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Hey Chicago visitor, ahhhh the fence and the dippity do ding a ling neighbour. To be continued!
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I want to play with that hammer gun! Sounds like fun!
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Yes. Yes. It’s definitely for men! 🙂
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You’ve still got it, Shelley! The ever fantastic story-teller; terrific!!
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Awww thanks. Am sooo glad we’re done… except for the fence. Gah!
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OMG! (Gee, did I just sound like a kid with that omg?)
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Definitely an OMG experience.
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HeeHee, great story-telling! I have a solution, just hire Shenley for any future repairs!
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Exactly. Considering I just ran into the renter in the store and one of the @#@$ taps leaks. 😦
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Arrrggghhh! It never ends!
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