There’s Going to be S#$T and H#LL to Pay

My nieces, Taylor and Mia giving Auntie Shelley some love as she rests her foot

Doctor: How’s it going?

Shelley: Now that my foot feels better, awesome. Thank goodness, because John and I recently celebrated “Christmas in July” with our kids (Matt and Andrew) and their significant others (Ash and Emma).

Christmas in July (Bottom middle – Me, Ash, Emma, Matt, John, Andrew)

Doctor: Nice. Now tell me how you strained the tendon in your foot. (Opens his folder, takes out his pen)

Shelley: I was out for a run, came upon road construction, stepped on an uneven surface, and felt a ping in my foot. Since it didn’t hurt, I ran home. But as the evening wore on, it became more and more painful. Eventually, I couldn’t walk on it even after a gin and tonic. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Doctor: (Stops writing)…

Shelley: No?

Doctor: And?

Shelley: And since I’d injured it in the exact same place twice before, all I wanted to do was rest and ice it.

Doctor: (Making notes) Bring me up to speed on those.

Shelley: The first time was when I yanked my foot out of a pile of rocks. By the time I arrived home, I was in agony, near death, but John and Andrew ignored me. I had to hop in front of the TV, and lift my injured foot in front of the screen to get their attention. Do you know what they said?

Doctor: No idea.

Shelley: They said,

“Hey! We’re watching Manchester United. If they’d scored, we would’ve missed the goal.”

Doctor: Thank God you survived such a harrowing ordeal.

Shelley: Right?

Doctor and Shelley: Ha! Ha! Ha!

Shelley: The second injury was while visiting my sister, Shannon. That time John’s response was appropriate. He insisted on taking me to the doctor. But all that doctor did was pulled it around, then, without taking an x-ray, proclaimed,

“Lucky for you, you’ve only stressed your tendon. No bones are broken.”

and sent me home. Lucky for him, I didn’t die of pain.

Doctor: So lucky. But this time, you did have x-rays.

Shelley: Yes, I finally agreed to go to Emergency with John. I didn’t want to. I was certain it wouldn’t be broken and the trip a waste of time. God, I was so upset with the timing of it all. My brother, Spencer, and his family were visiting. My kids were arriving in less than a week. To be honest, I may have been a little unreasonable, upset, impatient with John.

Doctor: Considering the circumstances, I’m sure John forgave you.

Shelley: Eventually.

Shelley and John