Bryce Canyon National Park, Utah
Shelley: (Flip. Flop….. Flip…… Flop. Flip……… Flop. Flip. Flop. Flip. Flop…Flip. Flop…Flip. Flip. Flip. Flip………… Flop. )
John: Jesus Christ Shelley! It’s two o’clock in the morning. Go to sleep.
Shelley: Trust me, the last thing I want to do is lie in bed flip flopping all night long. Oh my God, I’m so tired. Why can’t I sleep? This week we’ve hiked over 60 kilometres In Zion, Bryce and the Northern rim of Grand Canyon National Park.
I should be exhausted. I am exhausted. But I still can’t sleep. Arghhhh. That’s it.
John: Where are you going? What are you doing?
Shelley: I’m getting the NyQuil.
John: Shelley! No! NyQuil is not the answer. You can’t chug that stuff every time you can’t sleep. It’s not healthy. Come back to bed.
Shelley: What choice do I have? Everything’s going crazy in my head. It’s like the fourth of July in there. Worse. Imagine fireworks going off in your head with Katy Perry singing, “The Eye of the Tiger” and not even the entire song. One line. One friggin’ line.
“I’ve got the eye of the tigerrr” over and over and over and over and over…
John: Try emptying your mind as you take deep breaths.
Shelley:………… Not working.
John: Emmmpppttyyyyy your meiiiiind. Breathe innnnnnnnn. Breathe oooooooouuuut.
Shelley:………. Sigh. Not working. What else do you have?
John: Try thinking about today’s visit to Antelope Canyon. Close your eyes and imagine you’re there. Breathe innnnnnnnn. Breathe oooooooouuuut. Can you see the shapes, the colours, the incredible lighting in the canyon slot?
Shelley: Yeeessss. Yawn.
John: Are you beginning to relax?
Shelley: Yeeeeesssss. Yawwnnnnnn. Oh no. It stopped working. I just remembered how that guy next to me in the tour truck almost sat on my lap. I hate it when strangers touch me. Euuuhhhhhh. And all those people in the cave? It was like a cattle round up. And then, out of nowhere, my camera stopped working. All I could think was, “What a waste of $37.”
John: I don’t think you’re trying.
Shelley: Of course I’m trying.
John: No. I don’t think you are.
Shelley: I am too trying.
John: If you were trying, you wouldn’t let stuff like that get into your head.
Shelley: But that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. I can’t help it. Besides between the two of us, I am, by far, the hardest tryer.
John: What are you talking about?
Shelley: I’m talking about today when I asked you to lie on the ground and pretend you were dead in order to attract a condor, but you refused to try.
John: Damn right I didn’t. Those birds have a wing span of over 9 feet. They’re huge.
Shelley: But I really really wanted to see one. Remember how disappointed I was last year, when for the third year in a row I didn’t see a whale or one crummy mountain sheep? I’m experiencing that level of acute disappointment. Acute John.
John: If you wanted to see a condor that badly, why didn’t you lie on the ground?
Shelley: Couldn’t chance it. Those birds would carry me away. Besides I’m in charge of the camera. You tell me that all of the time.
John: That’s it.
Shelley: Where are you going? What are you doing?
John: I’m getting the Nyquil.
Shelley: But I though you said…
John: Shhhh. No more talking. Hey! Did you just lick Nyquil off my shoulder?
Shelley: We’re almost out. Didn’t want to waste.
Happy belated Canadian Thanksgiving from Shelley and John, your volunteer travel reporters for “The Comox Valley Echo.”
Stay tuned for our next post from Kanab, Utah