Are you Trying to Kill us?

This past week, we’ve been visiting John’s family in England.
Visiting with John's 96 year old mom, Edna

John’s 96 year old mum, Edna

John, Shelley, John's sister, Wendy, and brother-in-law, Brian

John, me, John’s sister, Wendy, and brother-in-law, Brian

 John’s older sister, Babs, and her family live near Birmingham, approximately 120 miles west of Harlow.
My great great nephew, Elliot, sister-in-law, Babs, Elliot with brother-in-las, Brian, nephew, Richard, niece, Jo, John with IKEA, Richard and his wife, Helen.

My great nephew, Elliot, sister-in-law, Babs, Elliot with brother-in-las, Brian, nephew, Richard, niece, Jo, John with IKEA, Richard and his wife, Helen.

As we were driving to Babs’ house, I was reminded of our first journey to that area two years ago. Here’s my post from that trip.
(Apologies for the erratic formatting)

10:30…

 
Shelley: Left side! Left side! Drive on the left side!
 
John: Whoahhhh!! 
 
Shelley: What are you doing?
 
John: I forgot. Sorry. Sorry. Did you see the look in that guy’s eyes? Ha! Ha! Ha!
 
Shelley: I saw the whites of that guy’s eyes. Jesus. Be careful.
 
John: That’s what she said.
 
Shelley and John: Ha! Ha! Ha!
 
11:00…

Shelley: Aieeeee!!!!!! Stop! Stop! Don’t turn! Car coming from the right!
 
John: Right. Right. 
 
Shelley: Oh my God John, you have to be more careful.
 
John: You’re right. You’re right. All right?
 
Shelley: I guess so. Next time look both ways before you pull out.
 
John: That’s what she said. 
 
Shelley and John: Ha! Ha! Ha!
 

12:00…

John: What’s the junction number we take to get off the M25?

Shelley: 16.

John: And that is for the M?

Shelley: M40.

John: Right.

 12:05…

John: What’s the junction number we take to get off the M25?
Shelley: Hasn’t changed. Still M16.
John: For the M5?
Shelley: No. M40.
 
12:10…
John: And the junction number we take to get off is?

Shelley: Holy S@#$!!!! I just told you 5 minutes ago.

John: I just want to make sure. If we take the wrong highway…
Shelley: Stop stressing. I’ve got the directions. It’s under control.


1:00…

John: Do we take the M5 North or the M5 South?

Shelley: Hmmm. Not sure.

John: Can you please just look at the directions?

Shelley: I am. It doesn’t say. It just says take the M5.

John: What’s the next town?

Shelley: Droitwitch

John: Is it north or south?

Shelley: THIS DOESN’T SAY! THIS IS NOT A MAP! 

John: It’s coming up! North or South?

Shelley: I don’t know.

John: Quick. Tell me.

Shelley: How am I supposed to…

John:  Jesus Christ Shelley! Just tell me!

Shelley: North! Take it. Now!

John: I missed it… 

1:30…

Shelley: What’s that pinging sound?

John: We’re low on gas. We’re going to have to turn off the motorway and find a petrol station.

2:00…

John: What do the directions say?
Shelley: Ohhhhhhhhhhh…Ahhhhhhhhh…Mmmphhh….

John: Shelley, you’ve got to help.
Shelley: Ohhhhhhhhhhh…Ahhhhhhhhh…Mmmphhh….I can’t. I’m sick from these roads. Pull over. NOW!!!!!!!!

2:30…

John: Oh my God. The gas light’s flashing. We’re almost out. Where are we?

Shelley: Ohhhhhhhhhhh…Ahhhhhhhhh…Mmmphhh….

2:45…

John: Yesss! There’s a petrol station. I’ll sort out the petrol. You get the directions.

Shelley: Ohhhhhhhhhhh…Ahhhhhhhhh…Mmmphhh….

John: Don’t mind my wife. She’s not working today. We’re a bit lost. Can you help us get to Cleobury?

Attendant: Right. Go round the round about, take the second left, over the bridge, past the bank, past the farm, and the white house, where I used to live, right at the T junction, left at the Cock and Fox Pub, through the high street, left at the school, right at the tip and Bob’s your Uncle. Got that?

Shelley: What did he say?

John: I have absolutely no idea.

 

2:30…

Shelley: Watch out for that lady crossing the road. 
John: (Winds down window) Sorry. Didn’t see you.
Lady: Wanker!!

3:00…
Shelley: How fast are you driving?
 
John: 40.
Shelley: Really? Slow down.
John: …
Shelley: John, I can see what the guy in front of you had for breakfast. Are you trying to kill us?

John:
Shelley: He’s braking!
John: What an idiot. Did you see that? He almost caused an accident. Why do people drive like that? 
3:30
Shelley: Ohhhhhhhhhhh…Ahhhhhhhhh…Mmmphhh…. Are we almost there? I’m so sick. 
John: You have the directions. Read them.
Shelley: I can’t look down. Besides, they don’t make sense. Ohhhhhhhhhhh…Ahhhhhhhhh…Mmmphhh….
John: Just give me the name of one of the towns.
Shelley: But, it doesn’t have the names of any towns on it. Just roads and intersections. We should have bought a map or rented the GPS system. But oh no…
John: You told me that you could get us there with those directions.
Shelley: I did not. Today was the first time I ever saw this useless piece of…

John: Maybe I can figure it out. 
Shelley: Oh. Like that will help. You couldn’t find your way out of a paper bag.
John: Is that right, Captain C. Scott?
Shelley: Who?
John: Never mind. We’re here!! There’s my sister. Smile.
Wendy: How was your journey?
Shelley and John: Brilliant.
Hereford Cathedral, England

Hereford Cathedral, England

Hereford Cathedral

Hereford Cathedral

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27 thoughts on “Are you Trying to Kill us?

  1. OMG… i feel like i barely lived through your visit to England. Now you’re (virtually) taking me to Kuwait?! I’d better have a glass of wine before reading that one. 😈 maybe i’ll have one now too. Hugs!

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    • Hey Teagan! No wine here in Kuwait. People drive with their kids or friends standing up through the sunroof area or while standing on the floor boards. I was too slow with my camera. Crazy!!! Wine? In Kuwait? Nope. 🙂

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  2. o no, driving on the left side…you two seem having fun anyways. Fun dropping by once in a while and reading you also. By the way, don´t make fun of that poor bull and what is a bull doing in England? That is my real question, I thought we Spanish owed them.

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    • Thanks for dropping by. It’s so hard to sit and read while visiting with others. It seems rude to get out the computers. As for the bulls, I think Henry VIII stole the first bull from Spain. Just saying. By the way, I knew someone who actually ran with the bulls. Had a video to prove it. Have you???? 🙂

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      • Nope video, so I can´t prove it. What angers me more is that a guy called Henry with some strange symbols in front of his name stole one of my bulls!

        But yes, I did go to Pamplona when I was 16 and did all that goes over there, the party the food, and the running of the bulls…..well if you consider running jumping over the fence as soon as I saw those beasts coming my way. At the time I thought to myself ” they look so much smaller on t.v”, no way I was going to run with those beasts, so I jumped the fence, so I guess that sort off counts.

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      • Best you don’t ever find out what he did with his Spanish Queen. 🙂 I am going to go out on a limb here and give credit where it’s due…Your run counts. Laughed out loud at your thoughts. Ole!

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  3. Sorry you weren’t feeling that great o. Your trip. Your blogging of events was very interesting and kind of humorous. Overall it sounded like you guys had a wonderful time. You took some amazing pictures. You will always remember this trip.

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  4. Hey Shelley Girl! As you fly from England to Kuwait wave to me over Switzerland! Miss Ya Buddy! Look forward to barfing with ya soon! Huge hugs to Matt and Emma! So very pleased about their engagement!

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  5. Wonderful family photos! John gets his smile from his Mum. 🙂

    And IKEA directions are ridiculous and frustrating no matter the country, aren’t they?

    And your left-side-of-the-road driving (husband) and directions-giving (wife) conversation had me flashing back to our drives around NZ. I wasn’t sick, but still. Yikes. I think I feel a flashback/daytime nightmare coming on….

    OK, never mind. Your last picture made me laugh. Nightmare averted. Thank you.

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    • Edna’s so cuddly and at 96 still can’t sit still. We walk and walk those hallways. So funny because there are times that others join us. I think of England’s roads and I’m nauseous. Where you live, they must be twisty and twirly?

      Like

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