Tres Valle Wine Server: Hola! Hablas español?
Shelley: Un poquito.
Server: Bienvenido a Tres Valles. ¿Quieres probar un poco de vino?
Shelley: Maybe more porquito than that.
Server: You pay eight dollars to taste five different wines. If you buy, we take eight dollars off your bill.
Shelley: Bueno. Let’s do this. For one, please. Now what do we have here?
Server: This first wine is a Rose.
Shelley: Oh my goodness half a wine glass is very generous. Thank you. Let’s see. It’s very dry. Usually Rose’s are too sweet for my liking. I definitely do like this.
Server: This Rose can be served with fish, chicken. Even dessert.
Server: Now Kojaá is Tres Valles’ signature wine.
Shelley: Ha! Ha! Ha! I can barely keep up with you. This should be called “Speed Wine Tasting.” Will you be with family this Christmas?
Server: My dad and brother will be here for Christmas day. How about you?
Shelley: This is the first time it’ll be just the two of us. I told our boys it’s only right that they spend alternate Christmas’s with their partners and their families, but I didn’t mean it.
Shelley: I’m kidding. We’ve been so busy we’ve barely thought about Christmas.
Server: A Maat.
Shelley: Wow! Thank you for yet another healthy sample. Mmmmmmmm. It’s so smooth. Goes down like cream. My oh my does it ever taste amazing. Oaked, right?
Server: Sure is.
Shelley: John, it’s a shame you can’t drink wine. John can’t drink wine because he gets headaches from the tannins. It works out really well because I get to taste wine and he gets to drive me around the wineries. Don’t feel too badly for him as it’s not like he’s one hundred percent responsible for the driving. I constantly help out by pointing out when he should slow down or speed up. Now what deliciousness is in that bottle?
Server: This fourth bottle is a Kuwal.
Shelley: Whoohee!!! This stuff is strong. 13.5%. No wonder it’s gone right to my head. I’m such a light weight. John, lucky for you. That means you’ll have more money to spend on my Christmas present. Hey! John, look at that. They have a guest book. Wow! People have come all the way from Mexico. Ha! Ha! Ha! Get it? I said, “Mexico” and we’re in Mexico. Wait! That writing’s different. John! Where do you think they’re from?
John: As it’s written in cyrillic, I’m guessing Russia.
Shelley: Exactly what I was thinking. Pass it back to me. Maybe I can figure out what they’ve written.
John: Oh, now you read Russian, dear?
Shelley: Yes. Yes. Shhhh I need to concentrate. Hmmmm… Hmmmm… Man oh man, this one’s stumping me. John, take our picture.
John: But I’m really interested in what those Russians wrote.
Shelley: Oh you! Smile.
Server: This is an Alá.
Shelley: Yum. Yummmy! Yum. Yum. This is definitely my favourite. Yep. Without a doubt. Yum. This is the one. I’ll save it for my friend Robbie when he comes to visit us in the spring. He’ll be so impressed with this bottle of piss. Ha! Ha! Ha! That’s what Robbie calls wine. Piss. I think it’s because he likes Aussie wine and the Aussies call wine piss. How much is the Alá?
Shelley: Thirty-five dollars? As in American dollars?
Shelley: For one bottle?
Shelley: I see. What about this one?
Shelley: Jeesh, I don’t want to buy the place. This one?
Shelley: Hmmm… And this one?
Server: Eighteen. But don’t forget, I take off eight dollars.
Shelley: Now there’s a deal. Sold. John, which Winery’s next?
Shelley and John, “The Comox Valley Echo” volunteer reporters signing off from Ensenada, Baja, Mexico.