Doug: Hey John. Let’s see who can eat an entire mini chilli pepper first. Chomp!
John: (Slow motion) Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttttttttt arrrrrrrrrrrrrre yooouuuuuuuuuuu dooooooinnnnngggggg?????
Doug: (Fast motion) Chomp!
Shelley: (Slow motion) Thooooose small ones are suuuuuuuuuper hawwwwwwwwwwwtttttttttt!!!! Wayyyyy hawwwwwwterrr thannn the big onesssss!
Doug: (Fast motion) Chomp!
Karen (Doug’s wife: (Also slow motion) Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttt’sssss naaawwwwwwwtt a gooooooooood ideeeeeeeeaaaaaahhh!
Shelley, John, Karen: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!
Doug: (Fast motion) Chomp! Chomp! Chomp! Chomp! Mmmmmmm. Nice and crispy! Come on John. Cough. Your turn. Cough.
Manny (Restaurant Owner): Now me, I love the chilli.
Doug: Cough. Cough.
Manny: Yes. Yes. I used to eat the chilli like him but I can no longer eat the chilli.
John: Oh. Oh. Doug’s turning red,
Karen: and sweating,
Doug: Gasp. Hic.
Manny: No. No. No.
Karen: on his upper lip,
Manny: Last time I eat the chilli like him I went to sleep.
Shelley: and out of his mouth. I’ve never ever seen anyone pump sweat out of their mouths before. Have you?
John: Not me.
Doug: Gasp. Cough. Hic.
Shelley: Actually I think it’s more like drool.
Shelley, John, Karen: Yeah. He’s definitely drooling.
Manny: In the middle of the night, I wake up because my throat is… is…
Doug: Hic. Hic. Hic. Gasp.
Manny: How do you say?
John: Oh. Oh. Doug’s eyes are bulging. Tears are running down his face.
Doug: Ahhh. Ahhh. Hic. Hic.
Shelley: He’s got a full body sweat going on.
Karen: He needs bread. Doug needs bread.
Manny: Ah… Ah… How do you say my throat is (charades gasping, wheezing, almost hic-cupping very much like Doug)?
John: Closing up?
Doug: Hic. Hic. Hic. Hic.
Manny: Closing? Yes, that’s the word, closing up. And I could taste the chilli and the oil and the seeds. And I had pain right here, right here near my heart. (Points to his chest) That’s when I said to myself, “Even though I love the chilli, I can not eat the chilli anymore.”
Karen, John and Shelley: Are you OK?
Doug: Hic. Hic. Gasp.
John: Drink this gatorade.
Doug: Gulp. Gulp. Hic.
Manny: So now, I don’t eat the chilli anymore. I feel much better, but sure do miss it.
Karen: Excuse me. Can you please get my husband a piece of bread to soak up the chilli?
Manny: Of course.
Doug: Chomp. Hic. Chomp. Hic. Chomp.
Doug: Yes, but my mouth’s still on fire.
Manny: Amigo, maybe you’d like to try my home made salsa. Very simple recipe. I take the seeds, roast them in oil and there you go.
Shelley, John, Karen: Noooooooooo!!!!!!
Shelley and John, “The Comox Valley Echo” Volunteer travel reporters, who the editor still knows nothing about, signing off from Cerritos.