Shelley: I have a joke. As any astute comedian would do, I’ve adapted it to my audience. It’s really funny. Ha! Ha! Ha! Once upon a time there were these four friends who went on a camping trip. Actually a Galamping trip. Robbie, Galamping means “Glamour Camping.” Like us. Ha! Ha! Their names were: Robbie, Toni, Shelley and John.
John: No jokes. We’re playing Butt Hole.
Robbie: I hate Butt Hole.
John: You’re the one who wanted to play.
Robbie: That’s before I was losing by 500 points.
Shelley: Robbie, where there’s light there’s hope.
Shelley: And John says I have a potty mouth.
Toni: Da dah. Da Dah. Da Dah. I win.
John: No. Toni you can’t win with those cards. You need one book and one run.
Toni: What? I thought I needed two bookers.
John: Books. They’re called books. Dear God. This is the third night in a row. How is it possible you’re still confused?
Toni: Last night it was two books. Tonight it’s one book and one run. How can I not be confused when you keep changing the rules?
Shelley: Now the deal was the same person cooked until someone complained. Whoever complained became the new cook. Ha! Ha! Ha! Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha! This joke is really funny. Ha! Ha! Ha! Anyway…
John: No Shelley.
Robbie: Ahhhh Toni. You never give me anything. Not one card. That’s it. I’m not sitting behind you tomorrow night.
John: Tomorrow night? Oh no. We are not playing this game tomorrow night. We are finishing this game tonight.
Toni: Soooo a book is…
John: J@#$S C%$#^T!!! Three. Three of a kind. And a run is four cards in a row of the same suit. Robbie. Your turn. Before I die. Take your turn.
Robbie: Stop rushing me.
John: Shelley! I know what Robbie’s doing. He’s trying to stay longer than our
“Company can only stay with us for 9 days” rule.
Not working Robbie. You’re out of here in nine days whether we finish this game or not.
Robbie: Awww Johnny, that’s awfully harsh.
Shelley: John, don’t be so rude to our guests.
Toni: Nine days? I thought you said our limit was nine weeks.
John: I’ve changed my mind. It’s now eight.
Shelley: So, the first night Robbie cooked.
Everyone but Toni loved it. Because Toni complained, she became the cook. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
John: Shhhhhh!!! Shelley shush.
Shelley: Do you hear that Robbie? John’s shushing me. He shushes me every time we go hiking. Robbie, add his “no talking while hiking” to your counselling list. Yes sir, it’s definitely time for you to do your counselling S#$T. Never mind I have a better idea. Let’s have an intervention.
Robbie: Oh John.
John: You see what my life is like when it’s only Shelley and me? Shelley, unlike you, I don’t need to talk all the time.
Shelley: Robbie, let’s hope you do better than last year’s “list counselling session.” That was a bust. By the way you never did give my money back.
Robbie: You didn’t pay me.
Shelley: Didn’t I Robbie? Didn’t I?
Toni: What’s an ace worth?
John: F@#K! Fifteen. Same as last night. The night before. And the night before that. Can we please finish the game?
Shelley: I’m trying to finish my joke. The night Toni cooked… Heh. Heh. Heh. Ha! Ha! Ha! Oh my God, this joke is so funny. Whew! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Toni, Robbie: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Shelley: John complained, so he became the cook. And John cooked and cooked and cooked. Ha! Ha! Ha! I don’t know why I can’t stop laughing.
Shelley,Toni, Robbie: Ha! Ha! Ha! Snort. Ha! Ha! Ha!
John: Maybe it’s the vat of wine you drank, dear.
Shelley: Ha! Ha! Ha! Whew! OK. Sniff. OK. Ha. Sick of cooking, desperate, John put Moose Poo in the food. Shelley took one bite and exclaimed, ” This tastes like moose poo… Mmmmm but good.” Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Get it? John still had to be cook. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Toni: There. I win.
Robbie: That’s it. I quit. I’m going to read my book.
John: Toni, you can’t win with a discard.
Toni: Why not?
John: Because you can’t.
Toni: Why do you keep changing the rules?
Shelley: Hey! That’s my wine you’re chugging.
Day 165, March 21/2015