As the final credit’s roll from the movie, “Whiplash”…
Shelley, retired teacher with over 30 years experience:…….
John, retired teacher and athletic director with over 32 years experience:…..
Andrew, student teacher nearing the end of his latest teaching practicum:…
John: What a terrible, terrible teacher. What a terrible, terrible human being.
Andrew: Real teachers would never be like Fletcher. Would they?
Shelley and John: Never.
Shelley, John and Andrew:….
Shelley: When you’re introduced to Fletcher, he seemed so sane.
Andrew: Asking so nicely about Andrew’s background, calmly pointing out that Andrew’s drumming is…
Shelley: (Makes a fist to stop the drumming) not quite my tempo.
Andrew: (Makes a fist to stop the drumming) You’re rushing.
Shelley: Makes a fist to stop the drumming) Dragging by just a hair.
Andrew and Shelley: And then…
Shelley ad Andrew: NOT MY F#$%ING TEMPO!!
Andrew: Not my F$%^ing time!
Shelley: One, two, three. Slap! One, two, three…
Shelley and Andrew: Slap! One, two, three, Slap!
Shelley kicks a chair. Andrew throws a pillow.
Andrew: He was insane.
Shelley: F$%^ing insane.
Andrew: So F$%^ing horrifyingly insane that despite yourself, the uncomfortable laugh slips out.
Shelley: Morning Mother F#$%ers!
Andrew: Sniff. Heh. Heh. Heh.
Shelley: Knowing he was going to lose his s#$t at any second and start yelling, “F#$K You!” had me hot flashing like a power station.
Andrew: I’m sweating now.
Shelley and Andrew: Heh. Heh. Heh.
Shelley: How about, “Your minds are on F#$King Happy Meals instead of on pitch?”
Andrew and Shelley: Heh! Heh! Heh!
John: Both of you are terrible.
Shelley: John, we’re quoting Fletcher from the movie. He’s the terrible one.
Andrew: You are a worthless, friendless, piece of S$%T, whose mommy left daddy, when she found out he wasn’t Eugene…
Shelley: What the F$%K?
John: Enough. You’ve both proved your point.
Andrew and Shelley: Mwahhhhhh! Ha! Ha! Ha!
John: I’m leaving. (Gets up off the sofa)
Shelley: John, it’s not us.
John: (Walks down the hall, turns into the bedroom)
Shelley: It’s Fletcher.
John: (Sits down on the bed)
Andrew: I can still F$%king see you, Minimi.
Andrew and Shelley: Mmmmphhh! Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha!
John: (Shuts door)
Andrew: Mom, do you think we got a little carried away?
Shelley: Nah. Dad’s probably taking out his contacts. He’ll be back in a minute. Don’t worry.
Andrew: Are you sure?
Andrew: Because if he is, it’s all your fault. When you laugh at me, it encourages me to be bad.
John: (John returns) Are you two done?
Shelley and Andrew: All done.
Andrew: Dad, beer? Mom, wine?
Shelley and John: Yes please.
Andrew: I think the wine is… somewhere on the bottom shelf. Hmmm….
Shelley: What the F$%K are you looking for? There’s no pot of gold down there.
Shelley and John, volunteer reporters, who “The Comox Valley Echo” editor knows nothing about, are now safely home in the Comox Valley. After 206 days on the road they are currently searching for a house to buy. Thank you to one and all for following our travels through the States, England, Kuwait, and Mexico.